Here Goes Nothin'

Ok, so I know no one wants to listen to anyone else complain about their weight, and I truly have hesitated in even talking about it. Because if you know me in real life, you'll probably want to smack me next time you see me. Because I'm going to talk about my weight. But I'm doing it as a way of holding myself accountable and maybe even finding a little support. Because, really, what women hasn't or isn't struggling with their weight. I think it's just ingrained in us to watch the numbers, criticize ourselves in the mirror, compare ourselves to others, and generally be really hard on ourselves.

I have been blessed most of my life with being of average body size. I am relatively tall, almost 5'9" and have a slender build. I played sports pretty consistently thru my mid-20's and stayed slim that way. I'll admit too, I probably have been blessed with some good genes. I think my metabolism is fairly fast, considering the amount of food I eat, and when I do exercise consistently I see results pretty quickly. But I've also got some bad genes in there too; heart disease runs rampant on my dad's side of the family, and on my mom's side there are cardiac issues, cancer and diabetes.

My dad had his first heart attack at 41 years old and it darn near killed him. He didn't smoke or drink, had a physical job, and was in great shape. BAD GENES. I am rapidly approaching that same age and the thought of something like that happening to ME, and potentially taking me away from my kids or rendering me disabled, scares the living CRAP out of me. I realize some things you can't control, like your genetics, but I can certainly make it harder for those bad genes to do their thing. And research has shown time and time again that exercise and a healthy diet play a big part in disease prevention.

Now, in case you think I've just been skating along skinny through life, I'll tell you that I've had a fat period. Or at least a chubby period. After my husband and I started dating, the nights of drinking and eating bar food caught up with me. My activity level dropped to about nil, and I got lazy in the flush of love I was caught up in. I lamented my weight on my wedding day, even though I truly did feel beautiful. I just wish I'd felt thin and beautiful. Then I got pregnant seven months later. Now, I have to say I am one of those lucky pregnant women that everyone hates. I ate whatever I wanted, which was mainly cold, juicy fruit, salad, Eggo waffles with peanut butter, and pints of Baskin Robbins ice cream. I only gained 22 lbs in my 38 week pregnancy, yet on the day I gave birth to Sam I weighed 200 lbs. Do the math.

After Sam was born my eating habits changed drastically. First, I was breastfeeding which burns the calories, plus I wasn't going out drinking and chomping nachos on a weekly basis. I ate much less, having to usually eat a meal with a baby in one arm or abandon a meal altogether to deal with him. So over the course of the first few months, I lost about 45lbs, which put me closer to my "normal" weight range. Somehow over the next couple years, I managed to lose about another ten pounds, which put me at my high school weight of 130-135. With Zoë, I gained 27lbs and lost it all very quickly. Again, totally blessed.

My point is that when I was at my heaviest, I swore that if I ever got back to "normal" I'd never again complain about an extra five pounds. My whole life I'd whined "I need to lose weight" when I really didn't need to yet when I truly DID need to lose weight, I was virtually powerless to do so. See, I'm not very good in the motivation department. Oh wait! There was once in my life when I was seriously motivated. It was before my 25th birthday and I was having a quarter-life crisis. I was going thru a divorce (but that's a story for another day) and was really stressing about turning 25 and my life being in shambles. So I turned to the gym. I spent 2-3 hours a day there, six days a week. I was in the best shape of my life. I did 200 sit-ups every day and got myself a nice little firm tummy out of it. I weighed 126 at the time, which was maybe a couple pounds lighter than I should have been, but I was in dang good shape.

Having children is a great motivation though. I may prefer to sit in front of my comptuer and eat a box of Cheez-its, but I can't do that to my kids. I can't shorten my life and deprive them of a mother in order satisfy my own unhealthy habits. Granted, I still will probably sit in front of the computer but it'll be after I exercise, and I'll be munching on carrots or pretzels instead.

Now, before you start thinking I'm all selfless and stuff, a large part of this whole endeavor is vanity. Because I've always been "tall and skinny" that's kind of become my identity in my head. And I'd like to live up to that. Over the last year or so, I've gained ten lbs. And because of past experience, if I don't gain some control now, that ten pounds will turn into twenty, then thirty, and then I'll be right back where I was on my wedding day. And knowing I let myself get that way was not a pleasant feeling. I don't want to be there again. Ever.

I want to be a strong, fit, healthy momma to my kids. I want to have the energy and stamina to keep up with them, to play and run with them, to give them a good example of a healthy lifestyle. And, I'll be honest, I want to look good. I look okay in clothes now, but I know I can look better. I know my body is squishy and flabby and it doesn't have to be that way. For me and my body type, I've got extra weight on me. YOU may not see it, but come take a look at me naked and you'll see what I mean. (Not really. I'd never subject you to that kind of torture.) I just know I'm capable of better.

I've been so inspired lately because of several people. Linda of All & Sundry is my hero. She has two small boys, works part time and still manages some kick-ass work outs. Several of her posts have documented her journey to fitness, like this one with some before & after pictures, and this one where she admits that even her skinny jeans are too big, along with pictures (at the end) of the jeans she IS fitting into. I mean, seriously. If that's not inspiring, I don't know what it. I mean, I've never met her in person but considering she lives about 90 miles away from me in an area I frequently visit, it could happen. I could stalk run into her.

My friend and co-worker, April, has lost 50+lbs on Weight Watchers. The transformation has been incredible and she's made it look effortless. Also, my friends Gypsy and Mika have been on a tangent lately. Man! Gyp has lost a ton of weight from running. She's looking awesome and I'm so proud of her. And Mika was doing the same thing before she blew her knee out, had surgery, and got a warning from her doctors that she musn't ever run again lest her cartilege totally disintigrates. So now she's getting up at 4am (!!) to swim before work. I mean, the least I can do is haul my lazy butt out of bed at 8am and get to the gym by 10am, dontcha think?

Anyway, my ramble is drawing to a close. Please don't throw something heavy at me if you see me in person - we all have our struggles, whether it be ten or fifty pounds. I realize that I am at a weight many people are fighting to get to, I'm just trying to be the best ME. I can't make any promises as to my goals or progress. Maybe you won't even notice a difference when you see me. But know that I am going to be working on these pesky ten pounds, and more importantly trying to live up to my potential and stick around to meet my grandchildren.

Movin' Right Along

The last week has been a whirlwind of activity and has left my head somewhat spinning and my blog posts rather sparse. But things should be settling into a more manageable routine shortly and I can return to thrilling you all with (almost) daily posts filled with wit and wisdom. (Ha!)

Last Thursday was Sam's birthday and in the span of three days, we threw two birthday parties. On Thursday we surprised him with a "friend" party at the bowling alley. The kids bowled, gobbled up pizza and french fries, then devoured cupcakes while Sam opened presents. (Pictures to follow - I haven't even had time to get them off my camera.)

Then on Saturday was the family party. Josh's family from the Seattle area all came and we got a chance to show them the house and the progress so far. We spent a couple hours out there, picking blackberries, watching the dirt piles being bulldozed into a beautiful big lawn area and dreaming of all the fun we'd have out there. We finally headed home and had a great dinner (even though it didn't turn out *quite* the way I'd planned). Sam was so enthusiastic and appreciative about all his presents and I was so proud of how he mostly remembered to thank everyone. His excitement was contagious and we really had a nice afternoon, laughing and talking with family.

Now we're gearing up to send Sam back to school next Tuesday. I'm having much more anxiety about 1st grade than I did last year when he started kindergarten. I know it's because he'll be gone ALL day and, even as much as me makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes, I'm going to desperately miss his little face being part of my whole day. I'm trying to focus on the positives, like it'll give Zoë and I time together to do things and let her have my undivided attention, but it's still hard to know he'll be gone for 6+ hours every day. Afterall, I've been home with him every day since he was born and I kinda like the little buggar.

So today I'm trying to think of something fun we can do today. I've worked the last two nights and am ready for some fun, even though my house could desperately benefit from my attention. We only have a week left of freedom and I want to enjoy it.

In house news, things are moving along. (I promise I'll post more pictures soon!) The roof is done, the windows were put in last Friday, the Tyvek is up all over the outside of the house in preparation for the siding to be put on, and Josh has started putting up electrical boxes for outlets and lights. My guess he'll start wiring it this week. We've ordered our front and back doors and I think we will go and order our kitchen cabinets this week too. Ooooh, the pressure! I have to decide on a stain color!

Six

This baby?

He's six years old today.

He surprised us by arrived two weeks early, and even though he was a tiny little thing (5lb 7oz, 18 1/4" long) he quickly grew. Practically overnight.

Into this:

Sam is :

ENERGETIC

FUNNY

SENSITIVE

CREATIVE

BRAVE

LOVING

CURIOUS

STUBBORN

IMAGINATIVE

INDEPENDENT

and

A DREAM COME TRUE.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my BEST BOY.

Force of Nature

As a result of the events of my camping trip in July, I landed overnight in my old hometown. Before I headed for Home Sweet Home, Linda wanted to show me the big windmills that were being erected south of town so we took a drive out to see them.

From a distance, they were fairly unimpressive. I was a little sorry to be driving in the opposite direction of Home, when that was the one place I really wanted to be, but I continued on.

And I'm so glad I did.

Up close, they were amazing. I stood, in slack-jawed awe, staring at them, marveling at their sheer size. It was a relatively calm day, so only a few of them were in motion off in the distance, and even then it was only a sluggish slow-motion spin.

There was something quite eerie about walking amongst these stark-white structures, standing still and silent. It made me feel like I was on alien ground, or had somehow landed in a real-life version of the movie Contact. When the wind picked up a bit and the one we were standing next to started to churn, the air was filled with a low vibrating hum, which sent chills down my spine and made me look suspiciously around to make sure the Mother Ship wasn't approaching.

It really was an awesome display of power and technology. And to know that we, as humans, are capturing and harnassing something as elusive as the wind to generate power and sustain our lives was surprisingly reassuring. I mean, I know it's not a new concept, but sometimes I feel like we've turned into a race that doesn't concern themselves with being part of the solution, or trying to "give back", and somehow these massive windmills made me feel like we're at least trying.


(This is looking across the Columbia River Gorge into Oregon. They have an impressive wind farm going over there, too. Click on the picture to get a better view.)

MIA

I've definitely been Missing In Action. It's been a busy busy week! But have no fear, I'll be posting some updates soon, along with lots of pictures. So stand by and be prepared - I've got lots of catching up to do!

Itty Bitty

It's Wordless Wednesday!

I was checking the blackberries the other day and almost missed seeing this little fellow. He wins the award for The Tiniest Frog I've Ever Seen.

An Answer to Prayers

During dinner tonight, the phone rang. One glance at the caller ID told me it was the owner of the house, calling from Colorado. After working up the courage to listen to his message and hearing "We might be able to work something out" I was encouraged a bit more. So with my fingers crossed I called him back.

He said that after consulting with the Head of the House (aka his wife) he wondered if we'd be able to commit to renting thru the end of December. If we could stay thru then, they would just take their chances come January 1st (if we are indeed out) but at least they'd have guaranteed rent thru the end of the year.

To which I replied "HELL YES!!!!"

Actually, that was just what was going thru my mind. Out loud I calmly & adultly assured him that we indeed could guarantee we'd pay thru the end of the year. I expressed repeatedly to him how grateful we were, how it really was an answer to prayers and that it was the perfect solution. If, for some reason, our house still isn't ready by the end of the year, we can stay and continue to pay rent, which again, is ideal for both of us.

I can't tell you how relieved I am. Really. I'm sitting here, nearly in tears, and so utterly thankful that we are able to stay where we're at. I have been praying my little heart out the last week, that a solution would present itself. Aside from not knowing where we were going to live, I've been worried about Sam starting school. I mean, I didn't know if he was going to be going to his same school, or if I'd have to be trying to get him registered and acclimated to a new school.

Now, I don't have to worry about it. A huge weight has been lifted - my prayers have been answered.

I'm a Bookworm Alright

So Ms. Rhi in Pink is having a contest. A contest to do with READING and BOOKS, which if you've ever been here before, you KNOW is right up my alley. I am totally jumping on this bookmobile and playing along. You can too! (You can read how this contest evolved here and here.)

Rhiannon’s List of Must Read Books for the Twenty or Thirty-Something Career Girl With an Active Social Life and Reality TV to Watch

• The ones I've read are in bold.
• The ones I want to read are in italics.
• The ones I have no desire to read I'm supposed to strike through.

1. The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Rebecca Wells
2. East of Eden, John Steinbeck
3. Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, David Sedaris
4. The New Kings of Nonfiction, Ira Glass
5. Lulu Meets God and Doubts Him, Danielle Ganek
6. White Teeth, Zadie Smith
7. Then We Came to the End, Joshua Ferris
8. Prodigal Summer, Barbara Kingsolver
9. The Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd
10. A Girl Named Zippy, Haven Kimmel
11. Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!, Fannie Flagg
12. Ella Minnow Pea: A Novel in Letters, Mark Dunn
13. Stupid and Contagious, Caprice Crane
14. Running with Scissors, Augusten Burroughs
15. Bitter is the New Black, Jen Lancaster
16. Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office, Lois P. Frankel
17. I Love Everybody (and Other Atrocious Lies), Laurie Notaro
18. Running in Heels, Anna Maxted
19. She’s Come Undone, Wally Lamb
20. Sushi for Beginners, Marian Keyes
21. Jemima J, Jane Green
22. Something Borrowed, Emily Giffin
23. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
24. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, Betty Smith
25. Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, Judy Blume
26. The Gift of Fear, Gavin De Becker
27. Emma, Jane Austen
28. The Hours, Michael Cunningham
29. Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf
30. The Romance Reader, Pearl Abraham
31. Twilight, Stephenie Meyer
32. Blink, Malcolm Gladwell
33. Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation, Lynne Truss
34. A People’s History of the United States, Howard Zinn
35. Manufacturing Consent, Noam Chomsky
36. Swell: A Girl’s Guide to the Good Life, Ilene Rosenzweig
37. I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence, Amy Sedaris
38. Manifesta: Young Women, Feminism, and the Future, Jennifer Baumgardner
39. The Notebook, Nicholas Sparks
40. Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman’s Search…, Elizabeth Gilbert
41. Bloodsucking Fiends, Christopher Moore
42. The World According to Mimi Smartypants, Mimi Smartypants
43. The Girls’ Guide to Hunting and Fishing, Melissa Bank
44. Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: A Year of Food Life, Barbara Kingsolver
45. Middlesex, Jeffrey Eugenides
46. The Joy Luck Club, Amy Tan
47. The Singing Creek where the Willows Grow, Opal Stanley Whitely
48. I Am America (And So Can You), Stephen Colbert
49. No One Belongs Here More Than You: Stories, Miranda July
50. Shopgirl, Steve Martin
51. Marley and Me, John Grogan
52. The Virgin Suicides, Jeffrey Eugenides
53. Into the Wild, John Krakauer
54. Nanny Diaries, Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus
55. Watermelon, Marian Keyes
56. Summer at Tiffany, Marjorie Hart
57. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, Jonathan Safran Foer
58. Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas, James Patterson
59. The Time Traveler’s Wife, Audrey Niffenegger
60. Remember Me? , Sophie Kinsella
61. Good in Bed, Jennifer Weiner
62. My Sister’s Keeper, Jodi Picoult
63. Everyone Worth Knowing, Lauren Weisenberger
64. A Season in Purgatory, Dominick Dunne
65. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCullough
66. See Jane Date, Melissa Senate
67. Prep, Curtis Sittenfeld
68. Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott
69. Like Water for Chocolate, Laura Esquivel
70. He’s Just Not That Into You, Greg Behrendt
71. I Was Told There’d Be Cake, Sloane Crosley
72. The Department of Lost & Found, Alison Winn Scotch
73. Straight Up and Dirty, Stephanie Klein
74. The Curious Incident of the Dog in Nighttime, Mark Haddon
75. Bel Canto, Ann Patchett

Hmmm, I've only read 14 of the 75. To be honest, there's quite a few I've never heard of but that won't stop me from adding them to my Books To Read list! Because honestly, I've rarely met a book I didn't like, or at least finish. Except one. In the last decade or more, the only book I couldn't bear to finish was Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible. My sister loved it, but I just couldn't read another page and finally put it away. Granted, it was a long time ago and if I picked it up now I might feel differently but let's be honest. My To Read list is as long as my arm and there's not much chance of a previously abhorred book jumping to the top of the queue.

Let me tell you about my Books To Read list(s) and give you one more reason to question my sanity. There's actually not just one list. There's a collection of scraps and post-it notes with various Books To Read on my bulletin board. My paperbackswap.com account has a wish list. My library's website has a wish list. My purse and wallet have authors and titles of Books To Read. I have lists for specific authors with Books to Read. It's a sickness really.

See, I used to buy books quite often. I hardly ever visited the library. Of course this was Pre-Children when we had two full-time incomes, yet somehow thought we were always broke. Maybe I was buying too many books. Hmmm. It's an interesting thought. But nowadays I limit my book-buying to authors I know and whose books I know I will read again, and be proud to loan to friends. Instead, now everywhere I go, if I come across books that look interesting to me I just jot down the name and author to add to my ever-growing Books To Read list. Seriously, if I read only the books on my various lists, at the rate of one a week, I wouldn't need another book recommendation for approximately 3 years. And don't even get me started on the books I want to RE-read!

Anyway, we were talking about Rhi's contest! Go to her site, post which book is your favorite on the list and you're automatically entered in her drawing. If you do your own review of the list of books on your blog, you get another entry! Cool, huh? Oh, and don't forget to tell ME which is your favorite book on the list. And while you're at it, throw another book recommendation at me. I'm always up for another good book! And you can bet I'll be taking notes...

Status Quo

Life is still up in the air as far as our living situation. We've not gotten any response from the owners to our response to their email. And we've not heard anything from the property management telling us we have to move. So we're just going to carry on normally, paying our rent, until we receive official notice to vacate the premises.

We kind of suspect that even though the owners may actually want us to move that the property management place won't necessarily be right on top of things. We tend to believe this because of our experience with them. For example:

1. When we moved in we told them that a shelf in the fridge was broken and needed to be replaced. It's never been done.

2. When we moved in we told them that the gutters desperately needed to be cleaned. We repeatedly told them this. It's never been done.

3. When our original 1-year lease was up last May, they said we needed to sign an extension and that they would mail it. We've never seen it.

So for now, we're just continuing on status quo and we'll wait and see what happens. If they do actually get their act together, my last ditch effort is to plead with the owners to at least let us continue to live here while they try to find new renters. Because of the location of the house, the steep driveway, and the lack of yard, the house isn't going to appeal to everyone. So we really don't think that the house will be snatched up the minute it hits the rental market. There are lots of rentals out there, that are closer to town, bigger or less money. So if they're so concerned about the money side of it, I'll just appeal to their sense of logic and ask that we stay and continue to pay rent until they find someone who wants to do a lease. That way it won't sit empty, we won't have to move and they'll continue to collect their money. It's a win-win situation. Then, if by some stroke of weird cosmic intervention, someone comes along and wants to rent it, hopefully our house will be nearly finished and we can just bunk with my parents for the last month or so.

So today I'll drop my rent off and scamper in and out of the office as quickly as possible so that hopefully our address won't trigger some memory that they need to tell us to move out. Keep your fingers crossed!

I Can See It Now

Time for another exciting edition of Kate's Little Construction Project!! Lots has been happening and you won't believe the changes.

July 18th:

This is looking left from the front door, over to the kids' bedrooms.

This angle is from the kitchen, looking back towards the living room, front door, and kids' bedrooms.

While I was at the house, a dumptruck load of pea gravel was delivered and dumped in the garage, to backfill it. It is so nice and evenly distributed due to our efforts (mine, hubby's and even Framer Josh pitched in).

July 23rd:

The concrete slab was poured in the garage. Yay for concrete!

Then I was gone on my relaxing campout for a few days and this is what I returned to:

July 30th:

A house! It's looks like a real house! The trusses were delivered on Monday the 28th and Framer Josh and buddy Phil got right to it. My heart skipped a beat when I was driving up the driveway and saw this. Wowza.

And the interior darn near brought me to tears. I could really SEE my house. This is looking from the front door. The smaller window off to the right is over my kitchen sink. You can catch just a glimpse of a wall on the near right - that is the guest room door.

This is standing in the great room, looking to the right, towards the kitchen and dining room. It'll all be open. We decided not to do the half wall to separate the dining room from the great room. It just chops it up too much. I prefer it all open.

This is standing in the kitchen again, looking back into the great room. You can also see the guest room on the left.

This is standing on the back wall, looking directly at the front door. Guest room on the left, kids' rooms & hallway on the right. (Are you totally confused yet??)

This is standing in the same spot, just turned 90° to the left. The kitchen is on the left, the master bedroom back in the left corner. The stairs up to the bonus room will be directly ahead. My pantry is on the right.

Anyway, as you can see, we're making tremendous progress. We are SO pleased with the work that Framer Josh is doing. I am just in awe at his ability to translate a bunch of lines on paper into this. Kinda makes me want to become a framer!

Hopefully the rest of the project will continue on at the same clip that we've been going. Because, as I've alluded to, we're gonna be needing a place to live soon. And as the days go by, I SOOOO want to live in THIS house as soon as possible. I truly can't believe it's going to be our's. (As you've been reading this post, you should be hearing Martina McBride's song Blessed. Listen to the words. It's one of my favorite songs and truly describes how I feel on a daily basis. Oh, and it makes me cry every.single.time I hear it.) (Oh, and Tammy? When I saw her in concert she sang this and she choked up. Like that helped ME stop crying. LOL)

Stress

I'm a little stressed out today, and I've only been up for an hour. Never a good sign.

First thing stressing me out, and actually it's more annoying than stressful, is that I forgot to get my annual TB test for work. I work in a hospital and am required to have an annual TB skin test. If you don't get it by the date you're supposed to, you can't continue to work. Well, a couple weeks ago, I had the test done. And then forgot to have it read. I was supposed to have it done by July 31 (Happy August 1st today!) and apparently my manager called yesterday and left a not-very-happy-sounding reminder on my voicemail. So today I have to schlep into town, dragging the kids with me, and go get ANOTHER test. Not a huge deal I suppose, but I'm just annoyed with myself. I'd totally planned to get it done earlier this week and then with Zoë being sick, and our building loan FINALLY closing, I've been a little distracted. I'm hoping that if I have the test today, that they'll let me have it read on Monday and then report for work, since I'm supposed to be there. Not that I mind so much if I get an extra day off. But it probably won't endear me to anyone if I can't work because of my own carelessness.

Second thing stressing me out, is that we are soon to be homeless. A couple weeks ago the property management place called to say that the owners wanted us to sign another 1-year lease starting September 1st. Uh...we're in the middle of building a house, and it's not going to take us a year. Anyway, we've talked to the owners and they are concerned that they won't be able to rent the house if we vacate in the winter (which is what the property mgmt people are telling them, probably blowing it WAY out of proportion, although there is some truth to it). We probably would sign the lease and then just break it when our house was done, but we're not sure exactly what the laws are. If we break our lease, what's the penalty? Do we just lose our deposit or are we on the hook for the rent until the end of the lease??

This stresses me out for multiple reasons: I don't want to have to move twice in a matter of months, no one wants to rent us a place for 4 months (or less), and I was hoping to let Sam start school at his same school for the first part of the year since he'll already have to switch when we move to our house. So I'm not really sure what we're going to do. The owner is being all "We'll let you stay until September and then hopefully it won't be too much of a hardship on you". Well, YES! It'll be a HUGE hardship actually! Where are we supposed to go for a matter of months? I don't want Sam to have to change schools TWICE next year, for Pete's sake! And since school starts in about 4 weeks, I'd like to have this ironed out and be somewhat settled by the time he starts. I'm just kinda pissed about the whole situation. Why can't anything ever be just EASY? Or if not EASY, then maybe just not excruciatingly and painfully difficult?

So my day will be filled with needles and trying to find a place to live. Fun, huh?