Springing

I saw this little dandelion, standing all alone, at the bottom of a hill near my garden boxes.  And while I typically don't care for dandelions, this picture just makes me happy for some reason.  Maybe because it embodies spring.  I don't know.  I just like it.

Last year I planted a couple lilac bushes (they're my favorite flower, ya know) and they actually are blooming this year!

I'd forgotten what color they were and just love what a beautiful surprise they've turned out to be. And the smell...oh my. Intoxicating.

Schooling

It is 1:00pm on a Wednesday and I am *still* in my pajamas.  My house is a disaster, my children are *still* in their pajamas, there is laundry to do, I have a stack of books to read, we've not actually eaten a meal today - just snacked- and my legs need shaving.

This is what homeschooling has done to me. 

But truth be told, I think we're doing okay.  We're starting to see a bit of a routine emerge, we're figuring out what works and what doesn't, what we like and what we don't.  We love being able to go outside when the sun in shining and play a quick game of tetherball, or eating our lunch on the deck, or watching a tv program that relates to what we're studying.  I'm finding that everything throughout the day is a learning opportunity.  Going to the grocery store, picking out plants for our garden, planting seeds are all teachable moments.  I find that I'm very aware that I'm the teacher now and that I can use any situation or experience to impart some kind of knowledge. 

We've relocated my computer and desk upstairs to the bonus room so that we have more space.  Some of what we do requires the computer and my little office space just wasn't big enough to include a work area for Sam.  Now we have lots of room, with bright daylight and we can leave our mess spread out over various tables.  (This is SO much better than cluttering up my dining room table and island.) 

It's a new way of life - a new never-child-free way of life - but we're adjusting to it. It's not just me and my previous routine that have had to adjust; Sam is getting used to me being the teacher AND the momma.  We butt heads occasionally but I have the advantage of inflicting more meaningful punishment than his teacher at school (i.e. taking away video game or TV privileges), but I also love him unconditionally and I hope that that shines through.

Don't Be Hatin'

I have bit my proverbial tongue and not written about this subject but it's really getting ridiculous and it's MY blog and I can write about what I want and if you don't like it, then don't read.  So there.

Since I have embarked on this whole fitness/running adventure, I've lost weight.  Only about 7 lbs, which isn't a huge amount, but I was not heavy to begin with.  More noticeably, I've lost inches.  Several off of my waist, hips, thighs and chest, which apparently appears to make me look like I have lost much more weight than I actually have.

In combination with the exercising, I have been really conscious of what I've been eating.  I'm avoiding all processed foods, eating way more fiber, fruits, veggies and whole grain stuff, and have all but quit drinking. 

On most days, I track what I eat just to make sure I'm getting the balance of nutrients, especially protein.  I am aware that I'm thin and that I don't have alot of "wiggle" room when it comes to weight loss.  I eat even when I'm not hungry because I know I haven't had enough calories.  (Here's a little tidbit:  natural, healthy food doesn't contain as many calories so therefore you can eat more of it.)  I wouldn't say that I obsess about it, but I do try to stay mindful of what I'm eating and try to make good choices.  And I'm not starving myself.

All of my efforts at BEING HEALTHY and the subsequent results are getting noticed.  And not in the way I'd hoped.  I can't tell you the amount of negative attention I'm getting for how my body is changing.  My family is the worst. Apparently because we're related that gives them permission to make snarky, mean comments about how I look.  My favorite being "You're too skinny - you're not even cute skinny".  Oh, and yesterday a co-worker jokingly compared me to a concentration camp victim.  (That felt great, btw.)

Seriously folks.  BACK OFF.  I refuse to take flack for obtaining a body like this through hard work, sweat, a few tears and healthy choices.  Yes, I was born with good genetics but how I look now is a result of my effort.  I am NOT concerned with being skinny or model thin - my reasons for this fitness quest have absolutely zero to do with vanity.  Yes, looking good and more importantly FEELING GOOD are nice biproducts but not my main objective. 

I want to be strong.  I want to look fit.  I want to take care of my health and do all I can to fight the crappy genetics I inherited.  I want to live a long healthy life and stick around to play with my grandchildren.

If you can't deal with the way I look, if you are threatened by it and feel like me being thin gives you the right to cut me down, if you are jealous, if you are so insecure that you can't be supportive and encouraging to a fellow human being, well then maybe you should just walk away. Oh, I may smile and laugh when you say things, but just know that it hurts and I just don't let you know because I'm nice that like.  Making snarky comments about someone being THIN is just as rude and hurtful as making snarky comments about being FAT, yet very few people would be that inconsiderate.
 

Every body is different and responds differently to a healthy diet and exercise.  This is how my body responds.  It doesn't make me a better person than you.

As Thumper's mommy told him, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all."

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p.s  This post is NOT aimed at anybody in particular.  It's basically just a big vent because I'm fed up.

True Story Tuesday - Bread

So, have ya'll heard of that cookbook Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day?  They aren't kidding when they call it "The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking".

True story.

I got the cookbook sometime before Christmas when I was ordering some things from Amazon.com and I needed to order a certain amount in order to qualify for the free shipping. So I ordered the book for myself and called it an early Christmas present.

True story.

I didn't get around to really trying any of the recipes until sometime in February. The first one I tried was a light wheat bread.  And upon first bite, the angels sang and the heavens parted.

True story.

I love to bake bread and have tried dozens of recipes, searching for a certain texture and consistency that would replicate my grandma's homemade white bread.  I loved that bread and gobbled it up whenever we'd visit. This bread is the closest I've come to replicating Grandma's.

True story.

Another thing I'm loving about this book of recipes is how versatile they are.  I have made bagels and pizza dough out of whatever dough I have going and they ROCKED.  Seriously.  It truly IS the best bread I've ever made.

True story.

If I'm going to keep trying these recipes and gobbling up the delicious results like a half-starved maniac, I'm gonna need to keep running.  Like, A LOT.

True story.

Unrecognizable

Seriously, who slipped my life a hit of acid?  Because it has just gone wacky.  Every single item of whack could fill up its own blog post, and maybe eventually it will, but in summary here's what's been going on:

About 12 days ago, after about 18 hours of vomiting, diarrhea, fever and excruciating lower back pain, I made my husband take me to the Emergency Room.  You have to know this about me:  I WORK at the hospital and really make it a point to NOT go there unless I'm being paid to do so.  In this case, however, I was willing and even eager to give them whatever they wanted if only they would GIVE ME DRUGS.  Which, thankfully, they did and I was able to (mostly) stop tossing up everything I'd eaten in the previous month days and writhing in pain.  It's only been in the last 3-4 days that I've felt back to normal - I was *that* wrecked.

So needless to say, I've not been running or even setting foot near the gym.  That will be remedied this week.  My hiatus is over and I'm back on the wagon, so to speak.  Enough of living on buttery toast and whatever sounds least likely to cause pain (i.e. ice cream) and back to fruit smoothies and salad.  (Don't worry - I eat more than that.)

My fascination with all things food is reaching fever pitch.  After watching Food, Inc. a while back I've been hungry to learn more about what's really going on with America's food.  I'm currently reading Michael Pollan's book The Omnivore's Dilemma and boy howdy...is THAT an eye opener.  I dare you to read it and NOT have it change how you shop and eat.  I'm barely a quarter of the way through it and keep finding myself shaking my head in disgust and disbelief.  America, suffice it to say that the government is force feeding us CRAP.  You want to know why we're overweight and dying younger and younger?!  READ THE BOOK.  I am alternately outraged and acutely impassioned about this topic and if you get within earshot of me, you will likely hear me spew forth facts from the movie and/or book and my opinions and thoughts on the enormous injustice that is our food system.  (Truly, I am composing an entire essay in my head on this topic I am so on fire about it.  Right now, I am still in the outlining phase, but an essay will be forthcoming, mark my words.) 

And lastly, I have metaphorically donned my denim jumper and comfortable shoes, braided my hair, quit wearing makeup and have embraced HOMESCHOOLING.  If you know me IRL, you know this idea has been swirling around in my head for a couple years now.  Not because it was something I always wanted to do, but because after seeing Sam through kindergarten I suspected that maybe Sam + classroom would not entirely = success.  Long story short, my suspicions were indeed realized and then there was the lovely added benefit of a couple of little assholes in his classroom (and by assholes I mean children whose parents either were a) high on crack/drunk most of the time, b) wishing they'd used a condom, c) not interested in being a parent, or D) all of the above.)  Trust me, I do not fault the children - the blame lies solely with the sorry excuse for parents that procreated those kids.  But I am not obligated to subject MY child to those children and their foul mouths/crude & inappropriate behavior/delinquent tendencies just because we have the misfortune to reside in the same school district.  So, as of a week ago, Sam no longer goes to that school.  Or any school, for that matter.  (If you couldn't tell, this subject also fires me up a little.)  For the remainder of this year, we are homeschooling.  Next year, we are working on getting a plan in place that I think will make everyone happy and be the best for Sam, which is the whole point.

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These days I barely recognize my life.  I mean, who am I?  I'm running, I'm homeschooling, I'm gettin' all earthy.  I feel like I'm a walking jumble of adjectives:  outraged, inspired, determined, searching, motivated, humbled, relieved, focused.  Evolving.  On the verge.  I feel like the things I'm going through right now are changing me - are changing who I am, how I think, how I act.   I can feel it physically, like growing pains. 

But I guess that's what's happening:  I'm growing a new life.

Excellence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."  ~Aristotle

As you can see from my side bar, I collect quotes.  A Facebook friend posted this gem a while back and I immediately wrote it down.  I liked it alot. 

This thought is reassuring to me in a way.  Like, people aren't born with excellence - they achieve it.  It's not a gift that a lucky few have been bestowed with.  Anyone is capable of excellence.  Even me.

So the lesson is that whatever it is that you desire to be excellent at - whether it be running, singing, baking bread, or underwater basketweaving - with perserverance, dedication, and a good measure of grit (for nothing worth having comes easily), you too can be EXCELLENT.

And who doesn't want that??

Catch Up

Well, I guess it's time for my monthly post.  Ha.  Seriously, where has the last month gone? 

In an effort to get ya'll caught up on my riveting life, I'm resorting to that format which allows me to hop gracefully from one nonrelated topic to the next without any kind of meaningful segway, our friend the BULLET.

• I am so excited to be able to report PROGRESS with my attempts at becoming a runner.  Just about 6 weeks ago, I ran an entire mile for the first time in I-don't-know-how-many-years.  It wasn't easy and I really couldn't imagine a time when I'd comfortably run that distance, much less further, but holy moly friends, I AM THERE.  This last weekend, I ran 4.54 miles only stopping twice for a brief minute to drink some water. And even though that is a HUGE accomplishment that I never thought I was capable of, I still have doubts about my ability to go further.  Like, I think I may have reached my max.  But I'll keep trying.
• A fabulous side effect of all this running and eating healthy is the physical changes I'm seeing. I took my measurements about 18 months ago when I started going to the gym and I recently came across those measurements.  I whipped out my measuring tape to see if there'd been any change, not really expecting any major changes, but I think I counted a total of about 9 inches that I've lost!  I'm totally digging the muscles that are popping out in my legs.  A downside is that not many of my pants (or bras) are fitting very well anymore.  Yah, I know...woe is me.  :)
• Work is still rather slow for Josh, although we're hopeful that things will pick up with spring & summer approaching.  He's also applying for other jobs with other companies, but of course, with the economy the way it is, positions are at a premium.  So for now, I do alot of praying and try to have faith that it will all be okay.  But boy am I tired of barely hanging on.
• There are potentially some big changes on the horizon for us as a family.  Sam has really been struggling in school the last few months.  Issues that we dealt with the last half of last year are resurfacing, as well as new ones.  Academically, he's fine.  He scores at or above grade level in everything, yet he hates school.  Most mornings are a fight to get him ready and out the door, often involving tears and such a level of frustration on his part that it breaks my heart.  He struggles to pay attention, he struggles to stay focused on work, he struggles to sit still, he struggles to ignore his classmates bad behavior and language. We've seen his confidence in himself and his abilities go down, we've seen his attitude change, we've heard him using language we don't use at home, we've seen him lash out in frustration.  This whole situation is KILLING me so much that it's no wonder I suspect I have an ulcer.  I hate, hate, HATE that my sweet boy is having such a hard time; a boy that is SO quick-minded, so naturally curious, so sensitive.  He is learning to hate school because of external influences and expectations and I'm not sure we can allow that to happen much longer. 
• Yes, I think I have an ulcer.  I have a constant, gnawing pain in my stomach, which occasionally gives me chest pain. I feel hungry, bloated, and achy most of the time, yet when I eat it doesn't help.  I don't have much of an appetite and I'm constantly burping.  Pleasant, huh?  I had an ulcer back when I was 25 and remember feeling much the same way.  It was diagnosed with a blood test and I ended up taking 18 pills a day for two weeks. So I need to have that blood test again.  Which means I need to go to the doctor.  Which I hate doing. 
• I'm doing my very first 5k run in April.  It seems a little backwards to finally get around to doing a 5k considering I've completed two half marathons, but I WALKED those and intend on RUNNING this 5k.  So maybe it's not backwards at all.  I'm just starting out as a runner, so I guess a 5k is a good place to start.  And it's for a great cause:  the proceeds benefit the Behind the Badge Foundation, an organization that supports law enforcement and their families. 

Well, I guess that about sums it up.  Life is very full and busy these days, and probably will get more so with some upcoming changes, but what's a girl to do?