Speak your mind



I've learned that if your voice shakes when you speak your mind, it probably is something that has long been left unsaid and the result of it is either incredible happiness or incredible sadness. 

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Today is the first day of Spring!  Yay!  Apparently the weatherman didn't get that particular memo because it is POURING rain, COLD, and WINDY.  Oh, and there's a chance of snow today and tomorrow.  Fabulous. 

I think there is a high likelihood I won't get out of my jammies today. And that there will be baked goods.

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Running & training are going well.  I've been working out like a beast the last couple weeks and am feeling great.  I cruised through 5 miles on the treadmill yesterday and am pleased to report I have some muscle definition popping through on my stomach and arms.  Of course, that only spurs me to work harder and do more, so it's a win-win situation.  I love being strong and lean and I'm proud to say I look and feel better at 41 than I did at 31 or even 21.

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A Day In the Life - Friday version

Someday, when I've keeled over from exhaustion, or possibly when I've finally thrown in the towel and retired to an easier life, I'll look back on this period in my life and say "How on earth did I do it all?"  Even to me, who's in the thick of it, it's amazing how full my days can be.  And before you start thinking I'm tootin' my own horn and bragging about my parental prowess, please know that it's not that.  No way...I'm not saying I'm doing ANY of this WELL...but I am doing it, and I'm not exactly sure how.  But I do want a record of this phase so that I can look back and...well, I'm not sure what I'll look back and say or feel about it.

So here's my day so far.  (Today being Friday, November 30th, 2012 at approximately 6:50pm.)

I worked last night so I got home about midnight, tucked the house in, then settled down to read for a few minutes.  I stumbled to bed about 12:30am and promptly fell asleep.

7:30am - The alarm went off and even though I hit snooze, I know better than to roll over and get comfortable.  So I grabbed my phone, scrolled through Facebook and checked email.  Then I headed straight for the coffee pot, followed by feeding the felines circling my legs.

7:45am - I woke the kids up, turning on some soft classical music and rubbing their backs.  I myself was not woken so gently as a kid and I HATED it, so I vowed a long time ago to be more gentle with my kids in the morning. 

8:00am - Packed Sam's lunch, sipped coffee, started to get my stuff organized for school.

8:15am - Made kids some breakfast, myself a piece of toast, then headed to my room to get dressed and ready for the day.

8:30am - Picked up the pace, trying to get everyone out the door to school.  Gathered backpacks, lunches, kids, school stuff and coffee.

8:50am - Arrive at school, start getting my stuff set up for my class.

9:00am-12:00pm - Teach my classes, which was pretty low key for the biology class and a bit more noisy and busy for the 2-hour boys class. 

12:00-12:15pm - Tidy up the classroom, gather my stuff, make sure my kids are settled in with their lunches, then head to the grocery store for a few things and to find some lunch for myself.

12:15-1:00pm - Grab some snacks for afterschool party and supplies for making cookie bars for Book Club cookie exchange, return a phone call to a friend, grab a sandwich at Subway, and head back to school.

1:15pm-2:30pm - Talk to office secretary about next semester, write up the blurbs for my proposed classes, research supplies and make a list of things I will need.

2:30-3:45 - Help with afterschool holiday party, chat with other parents, help clean up.

4:00pm - Home at last. (Thankfully this is my Friday off so I didn't have to rush out of school, run home to shower, drive back to pick up kids, drive back home to drop kids off at my parents' house, then get to work by 3pm.)   At last, I finally have a few hours of downtime.  And by downtime, I mean catching up on housework, doing laundry, baking brownies to take to a friend's house tomorrow, and start baking cookie bars for the cookie exchange.

As a sidenote, I never did actually eat the sandwich I bought at Subway. I did eat the chips I bought while I typed up my class proposal, and I managed to grab a handful of snacks at the school party, but I ended up letting Hubby eat the sandwich for dinner.  Total time saver.  Didn't have to make dinner.  Ha!

Now it is 7:08pm, I'm hungry and I need to go get started on my "downtime" before another busy day tomorrow.  :)  But tomorrow will be fun because we're going to some new friends' house and I will be learning how to cook Filipino food. I anticipate that after we get the kids tucked into bed, I will curl up with my book or zone out to a cooking show for a bit.  Probably won't be to bed until at least 11:00pm. 

Things I Really Wanted to Do Today and Didn't:  Get to the gym for at least an hour, return books to the library, eat my sandwich.

Random thoughts

On homeschooling...

We are almost 2 months into the school year and things are going pretty well. The kids are going to LA three days a week this year - two for core enrichment + Fun Fridays.  I'm really liking the new curriculum (Sonlight) we're using at home this year although we only have two days a week at home so we're not really able to stay on it's "schedule".  But I had planned all along to stretch it over two years so no biggie.  I think the kids are doing well and are happy.  Sam and I have had a few fights about his cooperation, but I think we've gotten those sorted out.  Overall, we've had some really great days of learning that make me feel successful and enthused. 

On running...

Running has all but disappeared from my life at this point.  I mean, I still think about it all the time and I'm still trying to get back into a gym routine but so far life has really just prevented that and it frustrates me.  I feel pulled in mulitiple directions this year, more so than before, even though the kids are at school an extra day. It seems something keeps popping up on the days they're at school and I end up skipping my workouts.  It's not like I haven't been going at all, but it definitely has not been consistently 3x a week like I'd hoped. And I'm such a fair-weather runner that now that it's gotten colder and wetter, I find it hard to run outside.  I know I need to just buck up and do it.  I'll work on that.

On kids...

It's amazing to me that they are already 10 & 7.  I sometimes feel like there are whole years that I've missed or forgotten.  Sam is doing really good.  He's enjoying school and still just loves his teacher, Mr. N.  He is bonding with his friends more and feeling more confident.  Zoe just continues to bloom.  Her teacher says she is so friendly and sweet in the classroom, a great student and super bright.  Both kids are doing soccer this fall which is fun, if not a bit cold to spectate at times.  Sam fluctuates between not trying much and standing around on the field, to occasionally really putting his nose to the grindstone and TRYING.  It simultaneously broke my heart and made me so proud this weekend when the last half of the game, Sam really kicked into gear.  Our team was up like 6-0 so the coach shuffled the boys around in the positions, putting the usual forwards and goal-scorers back on defense and moving the defensemen up, giving them a chance to score.  Sam really started TRYING to score, something that has eluded him so far, and he had a great pass to a teammate who scored, and then THREE shots on goals that the goalie got lucky and stopped.  I was a mess on the sidelines, nearly in tears, screaming and yelling for him.  Then, when the ref blew the whistle ending the game, Sam put his hands over his face and kind of started to cry.  I went out to him to make sure he was ok, and I could tell he was just SO disappointed that he didn't get a goal.  He was trying SO hard, really trying, and he STILL didn't get a goal.  It just about killed me to see him so disappointed, but I repeatedly told him how proud I was of him, how well he had done and that I KNEW if he kept doing that, that he would get a goal.  I was so proud of his effort and determination but it killed me that, this time, it didn't pay off for him.

On work...

I'm still working and lately it feels like just too much.  Josh & I both agree that I really need to be home more evenings so we're trying to get it figured out so I can cut my hours back.  I've told my boss that I want to cut back to a .5 so we'll see if we can make it happen.  I don't think she was very happy to hear it, but oh well.  Josh is miserable at his job and is looking and applying elsewhere almost daily.  Fortunately he's had quite a bit of electrical work on the side to give him some satisfaction and extra money. I've always wanted to be home more but lately it just feel more urgent that I do so.  Like, I'm missing out and things are going down the tube while I'm gone.  I know that sounds rather melodramatic, but as the kids are getting older, I just feel like it's more important for me to be around more.  Yes, I'm home with them during the days, but the evenings are the time we need.  There's no expectations, no schoolwork, no chores...just time to be together...and that's what I'm missing out by being at work.  I just keep praying that a better job will come along for Josh, where he feels more satisfied and where we can afford for me to be home more.  Also, that I can get it figured out at work to cut back. 

Another development on the school/work front is that I got drafted into teaching a Friday class at the kids' school.  Due to some teacher changes over the summer, it messed up the Friday class schedule and there were 8 boys who ended up without a first period class.  So the office gals and the principal decided that I would be the perfect one to do it and asked it I would take it on.  I'd kind of been thinking about doing a couple Friday classes next semester because there just weren't many options for boys around Sam's age and I had some good ideas, so I just got started sooner than I'd anticipated.  This time, we're just calling the class "Boys Will Be Boys" and I'm doing whatever I think boys would be interested in.  That was going along fine for a few weeks until last Thursday, I got cornered again and asked to take on two more periods.  The 2nd period class is all my same boys, so I just keep them for two hours instead of one, but the other class was a Biology class for 7th-9th graders.  Ack!  Friday classes are just fun, hands-on, low-key things so it really isn't as bad as it sounds.  I'm going to just have to come up with some fun experiments and videos and such to keep them occupied for an hour.  They were happy to see me take over the class, even though they don't know anything about me, because the science teacher that was teaching it didn't really "get" Friday classes.  He was lecturing above their heads and giving them homework, which is SO not what Friday classes are about. So they were relieved to see him gone.  Hopefully I can be a bit more fun, yet teach them a little bit at the same time.  And hey, I'm getting paid $30/hour for each class.  Granted I'm a little tired on Fridays after working Thursday nights, but I can think of worse ways to make $90.  And hopefully before next semester, I can get my work schedule at the hospital adjusted and it won't be so bad.  I have to confess, that if I can plan ahead and figure out what I'm doing by Wednesdays, it really isn't a big deal.  I'm kind of having fun with it and the kids don't care that I roll in there with a ball cap on and coffee in hand. 

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Life is still crazy and some days I can't believe all that I pack into it, but hopefully we'll get some things rearranged and everything will settle down.  There are so many things I want to do and accomplish and yet I just keep running out of hours in the day.

The best laid plans...

My plans to try the Paleo diet were completely discarded back in April when, two days after I started, my Dad ended up in the hospital.  He'd gone in for a scheduled procedure on April 5th and ended up with nearly fatal complication. After several days in ICU, and a few more on the cardiac floor, he came home.  But during that time, needless to say, my focus wasn't on what I was eating.  So that diet plan got discarded.  Hubby continued on it for several weeks and lost a few pounds I think.

So, here I am, three months later.  My race was about 3.5 weeks ago and I've only run once during that time.  Unfortunately, my ITB flared up during the race and slowed me down the 2nd half of the race.  Life also has been pretty darn busy lately and with the kids being out of school, I haven't really had much "free" time to be able to get out and run.  I went out for 3 miles the other evening and felt some twinges in my knee again.  I've got two more races on the agenda - one in September, one in October - so I really want to get back in the routine of running regularly.  Besides, I just miss it. 

I miss being tired.  I miss my sore legs.  I miss being sweaty.  I miss pushing myself.  I miss the ability to eat whatever I want with a clear conscience.  I miss feeling healthy & strong. 

But I know I'll get there.  This is just a brief and temporary break from my regular, scheduled training.  Thank goodness I changed my mind about trying to train for a marathon this summer!  No way would that be happening right now.  :)  But soon.

Going Paleo

In an attempt to get the most out of myself, my workouts and my life, I've made a change.  I've been harboring a secret fascination with the Paleo diet for awhile now. Other bloggers that I've followed have had awesome results and loudly proclaim the virtues of this way of eating.  So, in the last week or so, I've done a ton of reading about it and, to be honest, it makes sense to me.

I was trying to work up the courage to plead my case to Hubby in hopes that he would join me in this new venture, but turns out I didn't have to.  He heard me talking to his dad about it and said "Let's do it!".  So, over the last day or so we've been trying to ease into the Paleo way of eating.  We're going to give it a serious try for about 30 days and see how we feel.

Yesterday was only partially Paleo for me.  I went out shopping, to get stocked up on things we needed, and got SERIOUSLY hungry.  Like, I was gonna hurl shortly if some kind of grub didn't get in the tank.  Unfortunately, we were at Costco and I couldn't stomach the thought of either a hot dog or pizza (although they DID sound good).  So I got the new turkey & provolone toasted sandwich and ate about half of it.

One exception I am making on this plan is that I will continue drinking my morning coffee with cream and sugar.  I'll cut dairy and sugar and grains out of the rest of my day, but there's no way in hell I am giving up my morning coffee.  And trust me, you don't want me to.  This cavegirl would be VERY, VERY cranky if she had to give up her morning brew.

So.

To chronicle this, I'm going to try to keep a daily log of what I eat, maybe even a few photographs and recipes too.  I also want to take Before & After photos of Hubby and I, just for our own viewing (unless of course I suddenly turn into a supermodel), but it'll be a good visual of any progress we make.  I will continue working out along the way.  Hubby is doing it mostly for the weight loss and I'm just trying to see if I can shed this layer of "fluff" that is padding my tightening muscles.  And I'm just really curious about what results I'll see.

Day 1 (so far):

Morning Eats:
2 cups of coffee w/ cream & a little sugar (I did cut it back a bit)
1 glass of Odwalla Superfood
1 cup of Vanilla Almond Milk (sweetened...it's what I had open and I didn't win the lottery so I can't afford to throw away food at this point)
1 Gala apple w/ almond butter
This yummy breakfast bread, which will be a staple.  I didn't use the Stevia as I don't have any.

Lunch Eats:
Scrambled egg with antelope sausage and onions

I'm headed off to work now and have packed myself a big salad full of veggies, a few slivered almonds and dried cranberries.  I'll bring along some snacks because I know I'll be hungry.  I haven't had nearly enough protein today, but I got busy.  We'll work on coming up with a meal plan for the week maybe tomorrow, because I can already tell that lack of planning will be our downfall. Eating this way requires preparation and planning.  Otherwise it'll be way too easy to grab something unhealthy.

Kate from A to Z

Just trying to get *something* posted so I'm copying Rhi because I'm uninspired at the moment.

A. Age: 40.  And I'm actually totally OK with announcing it.


B. Bed size: King - A horribly uncomfortable King that we need to return to Costco.

C. Chore that you hate: Mopping the floor.

D. Dogs: One - Tessa, a black lab mix we adopted about 3 years ago from the shelter.  She is our resident cat herder (I have 4).
E. Essential start to your day:  Multiple cups of coffee.

F. Favorite color:  Red

G. Gold or Silver:  Silver.

H. Height:  Just a smidge under 5' 9".

I. Instruments you play: The piano. Although I've always wanted to play the cello.

J. Job title:  Health Unit Coordinator.

K. Kids:  Two - Sam is 9 1/2, Zoe 6 1/2

L. Live:  In a big red house on 5 acres in the country.

M. Mother’s name:  Darys.  Unusual, I know.  Her father's name was Daryl, so they took off the "L" and added and "S".

N. Nicknames:  Kater

O. Overnight hospital stays:  4 that I can recollect.  The first was when I was about 10. I had some type of liver infection. Second was when I had my tonsils out at the age of 29.  Then 3rd and 4th were when I had the kiddos.
P. Pet peeves:  Wet and/or messy countertops.  Lazy people.

Q. Quote from a movie:  "You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?"
R. Right- or left-handed: Right

S. Siblings:  Two older sisters.

U. Underwear:  Let's just suffice it to say I have several different styles:  daily kind, workout kind, sleeping kind.
V. Vegetable(s) you hate:  Peas. I'd say squash and brussel sprouts but I'd have to confess that I haven't really had them as an adult.
W. What makes you run late:  Getting up late after working the night before, forgetting something at home and having to go back for it.

X. X-Rays you’ve had:  Knees, hand, elbow

Y. Yummy food that you make:  I make killer chicken & black bean enchiladas, lemony garlic roasted potatoes, broccoli salad, banana bread.....there's alot of yummy things I make!

Z. Zoo animal:  Tigers.  And otters. 

Sunny

Today was one of those rare February days:  gloriously sunny and about 55°.  There was still a crisp and light quality to the air that is reminiscent of early Spring, but still, it was HEAVEN.  There was a brisk breeze that kept me from truly feeling warm, but the sun streaming in the windows was a treat.

Well, actually the sun streaming in my windows illuminated exactly how dirty my windows were so I found myself cleaning the insides of several of the windows. Then I noticed that the sun also lit up the fine haze of dust on my counters and dining room table.  So I wiped those down. And the floors always need to be done, so I swept and vacummed.  And since I was tidying things up, I went ahead and changed my sheets.  I wasn't going to hog all the sunshiny cleaning fun, so I shared the joy with the kids and let them empty the garbages, pick up their scattered things, unload the dishwasher and fill the woodbox. 

We made a quick trip to the store and library, then came home and worked on dinner.  The sunshine demanded that the BBQ be put back to use, so it was decided that dinner would be a Greek theme.  Souvlaki chicken, Greek salad and lemony garlic roasted potatoes.  My dad came over to join us, after I extended the invitation to him earlier in the day, and we had a nice dinner.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I LOVE THE SUNSHINE.  I'm always amazed at the difference in makes in my energy level and my productivity.  Man, if I lived somewhere sunny, there's no telling what I'd accomplish.  :)

Homeschoolin'

This is my second full year of homeschooling and I've noticed lately when I think or talk about it, it suddenly feels comfortable.  Very quietly, the feeling of being at peace, of knowing I'm doing the right thing, of feeling this is normal and not some temporary aberration, has stolen over me.  It's as much a part of our lives now as going to work or cooking dinner. I don't know if I'll ever feel like it's a cake walk, but I no longer feel any inner turmoil about whether I should be doing this or whether I'm doing enough.

At the start of the year, I was still in turmoil partially because I'd gotten Sam's MSP scores from the previous year.  And he didn't pass.  Not by much, but still.  And it bothered me.  As I'm sure many parents feel, when our kids fail at something we blame ourselves.  Yet at the same time I was berating myself for not doing a good enough job teaching him, the other side of my brain was suggesting that maybe Sam just didn't test well, that he hurried through it due to lack of interest, and that his teachers had no concerns whatsoever with where he was at.  All those thoughts were reinforced during my first meeting with his teacher in November.  Mr. N. said the exact same thing - kids are not test scores.  He reaffirmed what I already knew:  Sam is very bright, very quick and when he cooperates and is interested, he's a freaking wizard.

This year, Zoe started Kindergarten so I am schooling two instead of one.  She would probably do just fine in a traditional school setting, but then again, she's a little girl.  But I'm not having my kids on two different schedules, in two different schools.  And I'm certainly not sending her to the school that Sam went to.  I'm happy to report, she is doing splendidly here at home.  She's zooming through her work and making great progress.  She's a very eager learner (most of the time) and seems to be especially loving math right now.  I'm pretty sure she'll finish up the Kindergarten level work before the end of the year.

One of my biggest complaints about this whole endeavor is just not having enough TIME.  I work several evenings a week, so schoolwork has to be done before I leave.  And because I work several evenings a week, it doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to really plan.  I could spend several hours every Sunday evening getting our week planned out, researching things, printing out stuff, and hunting down fun games, projects, etc.  But I just don't have the TIME.  I mean, I could hole up in my office on the nights I'm home and completely neglect my family and house, but that wouldn't do anybody any good.  So for now, we piece it together day to day. 

This is how our day has looked today:  I woke up about 8:45am, the kids were already up watching cartoons.  I drank my coffee and woke up, they played and watched TV.  Then about 10:00am, I made them some breakfast and they got started on schoolwork.  Sam started with English, learning about singular and possessive plural nouns.  Zoe occupied herself with drawing in her journal.  They took a 15 minute break, then came back and worked on Math.  I went back and forth between them, providing direction and help as needed.  Then Zoe moved on to practicing her handwriting in a dry-erase book, while Sam did his reading comprehension exercise and his spelling practice.  Meanwhile, I puttered in the kitchen, making some homemade granola and cleaning up breakfast stuff.  Currently, they are playing in the living room, shooting each other with Nerf guns.  We'll call that PE.  While I'm in the shower, Sam will do his phonics work, a page from his Map Skills, a logic puzzle and possibly some writing.  Zoe will also do her phonics work and maybe a sequencing exercise.  (Yesterday we didn't get a lick of work done because I had a doctor's appt so we're doing a bit extra today.)  When I'm done in the shower, I'll have the kids clean their bathroom, and we'll call it a day since I have to head to work.

It's been a full day but pretty typical. 

Getting back on the horse

I think almost daily about this space that I possess, where I once wrote and recorded the minutiae of my life.  Then that minutiae buried me and Facebook became easier.  But Facebook doesn't keep the same record a blog does.  So, here I am, yet again, trying to get back on the proverbial blogging horse.

I changed the name of this space, not because my life is no longer crazy, ho ho, NO.  But because I am in constant pursuit these days.  It ties in with my all-time favorite quote (see the side bar ---->).  The pursuit I am talking about is not the kind where you're desperately chasing something that is getting away from you.  Instead, I'm talking about pursuing something.  And in my case, pursuing MANY things.

I turned 40 last summer and it was like it flipped a switch in me.  All of a sudden, I felt like things came very sharply into focus, or at least more focused than they'd ever been.  The things I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, HOW I wanted to be, how I wanted to use my time and talents.  There's just so much I want to do that it suddenly all just clicked that NOW IS THE TIME.  GO, GIRL.   And so, here I am, exhausting myself in the glorious pursuit of my life.

I set some goals for 2012 - some ambitious (run 400+ miles), some pretty mundane (repaint master bath), and some that are more To-Do's than goals (build garden boxes).  Some are silly (get another tattoo), some are for personal satisfaction (get family photos taken).    But aside from those that I wrote down, I really just want to push myself this year.  I want to find out what I'm capable of. 

One of my blogger crushes, Beth, wrote something today about runners that I think is so true:  "Running is expansive – it opens you wider than you thought you could go. It gives you courage and confidence to tackle other parts of your life that might otherwise feel unmanageable or impossible." 

I swore for years I hated running, couldn't do it, had no desire to do it.  And yet somehow at 38, I discovered I loved running.  I was amazed that I could train myself to do something that was SO hard and that I had previously thought impossible.  I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy.  I've never worked as hard at anything (other than parenting) as I have at becoming a runner.  But it's proved to me that I can do hard things and that it is worth it.  Doing something so physically challenging, rather late in the game, has opened my eyes to a whole world of possibilities. No longer is anything out of reach, because by George, if I can drag my almost 40 year old body through 13.1 miles, who knows what I'm capable of!

On that note, I'm going to drag my exhausted body to bed.  Because tomorrow is a whole 'nother day full of pursuits.

Inked

Tired

I haven't the creative juices this morning to string together any witty repartee because my job has sucked the life out of me.  I picked up some extra hours this week which left me with only one day off and a couple particulary long shifts, back to back.  Over the last two days I've worked 26 hours.  The day before that I did my normal 8 and today I have a measly 8 hours to grind out.  So all in all, I will have worked 42 hours in 4 days time.  I think the total for the 7-day week is 58 hours. 

I used to do this almost every week when I was in my 20's.  I worked two jobs and typically worked 19-20 days in a row every month without a day off, most of those days being 12-14 hour days.  Ah, youth....

Hopefully I won't be having to pick up many extra hours in the future because thankfully my hubby has found a full-time job.  Work has been kind of patchy for over a year now and we've really been struggling financially.  It could have been so much worse, I know.  There are thousands of people out there who are losing everything, but it sure wasn't fun every month stressing about how we were gonna pay the mortgage.  But we paid it.  Every month.  So now, I think we can start to breathe a bit easier and Momma can get back to doing what she does best - taking care of her family.

And sleeping.

Spring Fever

Aside from being desperate for warmer temperatures and drier days, I *really* need some better weather.  I am positively twitching in my yearning to get outside and run.  I've been doing all my runs and workouts at the gym which is lovely in that I have that option, but for some reason this year running on the treadmill for longer than about 30 minutes makes me very stabby. 

Last year when I was just starting to run, I'd slog through 60-75 minutes on the treadmill, gasping for breath and mentally willing my legs to keep turning over.  Whether it's a sign of progress in my ability or a decline in my level of patience, I don't know, but I just can't handle the treadmill for very long anymore.  Which means I'm not getting as many miles as I'd like in.  I've been bailing off the treadmill and switching to the elliptical after a few miles and that has helped.  I really do love the elliptical and try to tell myself that at least it's a similar motion to running and better than doing nothing.

I should point out that I'm kind of a big wimp when it comes to running in less-than-decent weather.  I don't readily head out in the pouring rain to run, or if there's wind, or if it's too cold.  (Ironic since I'll plow through mud and awful terrain and whatever weather there happens to be on a race day.)  There have been several days when I totally could have run, probably rather comfortably, if I'd just sucked it up and gone.  

I'm getting to the point though that I *really* want and need to be doing longer runs.  I'm dying to get out and RUN.  I miss running on the trails and roads around here.  

And my list of To-Do races is growing at an alarming rate.   So far I have a 5K in both April and May, a 1/2 marathon in May, a mud run and 1/2 marathon in June and a 15k and a 1/2 marathon in September.  Haven't lined anything up for July or August yet.  Those are busy months to begin with but I'm sure I'll find something.  I know there are races around here during those months, I just haven't nailed down the dates yet.   But you can be sure I will!

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In the March Runner's World magazine, there are a bunch of quotes from Dean Karnazes. My favorite was his response when asked "Doesn't running hurt?"  His reply?  "It does if you're doing it right." 

Gettin' Down & Dirty

Last fall my running pal, Heather, and I drug our men to a little event called The Warrior Dash.  We had all kinds of dirty fun and left feeling really badass.

This year those crazy lovebirds are already signed up to do it again, this time in our home state, but I waited too long to decide and now it's full on the day they're doing it.  I procrastinated because the race is the weekend after my 40th birthday and I am thinking about throwing myself a birthday bash that weekend.  And since the race is a couple hours away from home, I wasn't sure it would work.  So basically the fates decided for me.

This year, via the ol' Facebook, I learned of a different dirty race.  And since my mud buddies are already signed up for it, there was no way I was gonna miss out.  This one is the Survivor Mud Run and it is the weekend before the Seattle Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon.  Unfortunately, there is no fire to jump over at this race, but there appears to be a heckuva lot more mud.

Can I tell you how much I love that since mentioning this on Facebook I've had multiple friends grab me and say "I wanna do that mud race!  Can I come too??"   Seriously, I have the raddest friends.  And we're all gonna get down and dirty together.

Food is My Friend

So yet again, concern has been raised about whether I'm eating enough.  Let me say right off the bat - I EAT ENOUGH.  Food is my friend.  Yes, there are days I get so busy that I forget to eat three actual meals, but I'm not starving myself and trust me, when I forget to eat and I am suddenly reminded of that fact by my stomach gnawing on my backbone, I start stuffing whatever is closest into my pie-hole regardless of its nutritional value.   But when I have the time (which is almost always), I eat a healthy and balanced diet.

Lately I have been salad crazed.  I recently discovered that, unbeknownst to me, I actually DO like spinach - baby spinach, that is.  Here I've lived almost 40 years believing that I didn't like spinach when lo and behold, I DO.  'Tis nummy.  And this discovery I believe has re-fueled my salad-crazedness.  (Is too a word.)   I have been inhaling a large bowl of salad almost every night for dinner, especially at work.  Like, such a big bowl it would normally serve a family of four.

Today I went for a nice run at the gym and came home hungry so I built myself the following masterpiece:

Ingredients as follows:

2 handfuls of organic baby lettuce
1 handful of organic baby spinach
1/3 cup (or so) of shredded carrots
Almost half a red bell pepper, diced
Half an avocado
1/4 of an English cucumber
1/4 cup of crumbled blue cheese
About 2 Tbsp of dried cranberries
About 1/4 cup unsalted toasted almond slices

Dressing:  1 tsp dijon mustard, 1 1/2 Tbsp muscat orange champagne vinegar, 1 1/2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil, fresh ground pepper.

According to this site the total calories in this salad were 809 calories.  That's a little on the high side for a bowl of rabbit food, but take into account the high fat content of the avocado, nuts, blue cheese and olive oil.  Now, except for the blue cheese, all those things are high in GOOD FATS.  So frankly, I consider this salad a success.  And having had my lipids all checked last week and finding out they are AWESOME, I'm not real concerned.

As I get to where I'm doing longer runs and more training, I am VERY aware of how much I eat.  Not just because I'm hungry all the time, but because I make sure to give myself enough of what I need.  At almost 5'9" and around 130 lbs, I know I don't have a lot of wiggle room for weight loss.  That's never been my goal.  I use an online site to track my daily calories, adding back in those I've burned on workouts.  I eat even when I'm not hungry.  I eat when I get home from work at midnight if I haven't had enough calories during the day or if I'm just plain hungry, even though that goes again everything we've ever heard ("Don't eat after 7pm").

I know I'm questioned and criticized out of concern (mostly) but it frustrates me that when you are thin, the world thinks it's okay to share their opinions about your body, something most people would never do to someone on the other end of the spectrum.  I mean seriously, would you ever say to an overweight person "I'm just really worried that you're eating too much.  Maybe you should lay off."  I'm much happier with the body I have now then when I weighed the same but was three sizes bigger.  I obviously had some extra padding if, when getting serious about exercise and diet, it melted away. 

I'm hurtling toward my 40th birthday and I'm actually excited about it, to be honest.  I'm proud to be heading into a new decade of my life, being fit and feeling fierce.

Bring it on.

Time Flies

Holy Crap!  It's 2011!  And I have a blog!  Where have I been?!!

Oh yah.  BUSY.

Anyway, the thought has been running through my mind more frequently that I should update this thing.  Not that anybody reads, but that's not really why I need to update it.  I want to record these moments in time so that I can look back and remember. 

So quick trip down recent memory lane...

Homeschooling:  Going WELL.  OMG, I am totally loving it (most days).  I alternately feel like I'm not doing enough for/with Sam and like I'm doing way better than the public school.  But reports from his teacher/counselor at school indicate that we're doing fine.  In his teacher's words he's BRIGHT, friendly, making friends, interacting and a real pleasure.  Active in the classroom but not naughty.  Such a different report and view than what we got from public school.  So.  I'm totally happy with that situation and looking forward to schooling Zoe next year too.  I love the little school we are part of and have made some great friends there.  I suspect we're never gonna want to leave it.

Running/Health:  I'm getting back into the swing of things, forcing myself to make time to run and get to the gym.  I'd like to do a 1/2 on Mothers' Day in preparation for the Seattle 1/2 in June.  I maintained my weight/size over the winter in spite of not exercising much or with any regularity and now I'm ready to ramp it back up.  I can tell I've lost muscle definition and I want it back.  I've had NO ITB pain.  We bought a 1/2 a beef this winter from J's uncle, so it was raised in a pasture and we know what it ate, and how it was treated and butchered.  It's damn good meat.  I've been really good with my diet (not "diet" as in losing weight, but as in the choices I'm making).  I'm eating a ton of vegetables and whole grain foods, although I'll admit an addiction to a particular brand of tortilla chips that I'm powerless to resist.  I maybe will have one drink every week or two, but otherwise am sticking to coffee and water.  LOTS of coffee.

Family:  Everyone's good.  We celebrated my dad's 70th birthday with a dinner out and a nice evening back at their house.  We're so blessed to still have him and he's doing great.  J hasn't been working much, which has been stressful, but at the moment he's got a little work.  I do alot of praying these days in regards to his employment.  I have moments of extreme terror knowing the possibilities that lurk just around the corner if work doesn't pick up.  Fortunately, he's branching his job search out instead of just focusing on electrical work.  And I do ALOT of praying.

Kids:  Zoe is Zoe.  She's silly, sweet, incredibly clever and funny, well-mannered, so loving and just a totally nice little girl.  She's my little shadow, preferring to spend her time with me to practically anything else.  She's lost the clinginess of her younger years, but now I think just loves to be with me.  There's not much I do that I don't have my helper with me, chores included.  She's loves school and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.  Sam is growing up, at 8.5 now.  In January I started taking him to a play therapist to see if it would help him sort out some of his frustrations and whatever else may be bugging him.  We have been INCREDIBLY pleased with this form of therapy, and it's been wildly successful for him.  The combination of homeschool and therapy have really been working wonders on him.  He's so much happier, content, affectionate and communicative.  There are still things we are working on (things I didn't even know were bugging him), but I totally believe he'll continue to improve and evolve into an incredible young man.  He's so intelligent and creative, curious and witty, and has such a sweet heart that I just watch him in awe and can't believe he's mine.  That boy is so special.

I still have too many books to read, too many projects I want to start/finish, too many races I want to run, and too many friends that I never get to spend time with.  It's still a crazy life.  And I still love it.

Catching My Breath

Happy November! Hard to believe that the holidays are just around the corner and that we’re nearing the end of 2010. The last couple months have FLOWN by. And by flown, I mean I barely remember any specifics of September and October save a haunting memory of frantic desperation and barely grasped control. In the words of a friend, “It’s all a shitty blur.”

However, I can confidently say that I am beginning to feel like I’m tentatively regaining control of my life again. I may completely jinx myself by saying as much, but I think things are starting to level out. Life is falling into a bit of a routine – albeit a completely crazy routine – but at least nothing is really popping up and scaring surprising me any more.  I feel like I'm finally catching my breath.

Deciding to homeschool Sam completely turned our lives upside down. It has required a whole new mindset and approach to our days and while early on it caused me a bit of anxiety and frustration, I know now that we absolutely, without a doubt, made the right decision. I don’t think we realized exactly how unhappy and miserable Sam was at his previous school. Yes, he cried and complained and begged not to go to school but aside from his vocal complaints, I don’t think we realized how connected his unhappiness and some of his behaviors were. I’d always maintained that school was killing his confidence but I had no idea how bad it was. Kind of like you have no idea how bad your eyes are until you get glasses and can see all you’ve been missing.

My little boy, who a few months ago was unwilling to try anything new, to accept a compliment, to verbalize happiness or satisfaction, whose automatic response to most everything was negative or derogatory, who would get so frustrated and upset that he’d clench his fists and shake and cry and say “I’m so stupid!”…well, that boy is gone.

In his place a sweet little boy has re-emerged. He is happy and silly. He is willing and almost eager to try new things, demonstrating the return of his confidence. He is cooperative and compliant when asked to do chores around the house. He is content and expressive of his happiness. He is compassionate and affectionate with us. He’s even showing signs of being self-motivated in his schoolwork.

I’ll tell you what. I will keep up this frenetic pace and selfless and incessantly hard work for the rest of my days if it means having that little boy happy again. I questioned myself so many times about whether I was making the right decision in regards to his schooling, whether I would do him more harm than good, whether I had it in me to do this thing, whether I could be that selfless. And I’ve learned that while I don’t have all the answers and that some days I fumble about trying to get it right, I do have the secret to making it all work: desire. I want this. I want to homeschool my kids. I want to see them happy and content and confident. I want them to see how important they are to me and that I will willingly will do whatever it takes to do what’s best for them. I want the crazy that goes with this life.

Because honestly? It’s crazy GOOD.

Thinking Outloud

I'm supposed to be training for another half marathon, which is in two weeks.  And I've run precisely ONCE in the last week.  Hmmm. 

Currently I'm in mental discussions with myself about whether I should even try to do it.  1. Some friends from work are going and I'd love to go hang out with them and do this.  It'd be a little kid-free break with girlfriends and that alone is very enticing.  2. My goal for the year was to do 2-4 races and I've only done one.  3. There's no rule that says I have to run the whole thing. Obviously. But I know myself and I'm afraid that once I get out there my competitive spirit will kick in and I'll push myself.  4. The date of the race is 10/10/10 and that's just cool. I want a shirt with that date on it. 

I should be able to get a few runs in in the next couple weeks. I was able to change my schedule at work so that I work the same days each week, which will help tremendously with all that's going on in my life.  Or at least I hope it will.

I need to just go do this race. I want to.  The company alone will make whatever pain I inflict on myself worth it.  Besides, I don't think Paula will let me NOT do it. 

It'll Get Easier

I may have spoke too soon in my last post about crazy suiting me.

Holy schnikeys.

The crazy has gotten CRAZY. 

I'm not checking myself into a padded cell just yet, but I sure hope a month from now things have settled into some kind of routine.  Or even that I'll be used to this kind of crazy and it'll be the new normal. 

Because this is what my life looks like right now:

Mon/Wed/Fri - Zoe has preschool. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed and out the door by 9am.  And on at least a couple of those days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Tue/Fri - Sam has school. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed, lunch & backpacked packed and out the door by 8:30am.  And on one of the days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Mon/Wed/Thurs - Sam is home and we do homeschool.  Which means he whines, complains, cries, stomps and ignores me for a portion of the morning while I beg, plead, threaten, cajole and ignore him, trying to get him to do his work.

Mon/Wed - Both kids have swimming lessons right around dinner time in town.  I work one of the days which means Daddy has to get home from work, and turn around head to town to get them there on time. The other day means that I get to do the shuffle.

One week I work Mon/Tue/Fri, the next week I work Wed/Thurs, which means I have to leave home by about 2:20pm to get to work.  And since Hubby is working full-time right now (YAY!!!) and doesn't get home until 4-4:30pm, I have to get the kids over to my parents' or sister's house before leaving for work.

I am on the Newsletter Committee at work and am supposed to write the cover story this month, as well as gather other information for various features.

I am on the Practice Committee for my position at work and have to attend meetings in addition to my regular shifts as well as send updates to co-workers and write updates for the above mentioned newsletter.

Oh, and I'm also training for another half marathon which is in less than a month, which means that I should *technically* be running at least 3-4 times a week.  You know, in all my spare time.

Of course, there's all the fun housewifely stuff too.  You know, the laundry, the cleaning, the shopping, the bill paying, the cooking.

Don't get me wrong, I invited all this crazy into my life.  But boy, I didn't think it'd be like this.  I just keep telling myself that the schooling will settle into a routine and that soon I'll win the Lottery, quit my job and hire a maid and private tutor for the kids and that we'll all get adjusted to our new way of life. 

It'll get easier.  That's what I keep telling myself.

Life With a Side of Crazy

Boy, here we are.  Near the end of August.  I'm grabbing a minute to write because I know I won't have much of a chance for the next couple weeks.  The summer is wrapping up with a sprint to the finish.  Here are just the highlights:

~ My boy celebrated a birthday this last weekend.  For accomplishing the amazing feat of surviving for eight years in this family in this world, he was rewarded with copious amounts of Legos, Nerf guns and cash not to mention cake, ice cream sundaes and root beer floats.

~ My husband's 20th year high school class reunion was the same weekend.  For not having gone to the same school and only knowing a handful of folks who did, it was a pretty nice time.  Every one was very friendly and chatty and the food was good.  I was really hungry by the time the food was brought out and let's just say that if I'd been a heavier gal, folks would have been whispering about the amount of food and/or the number of trips I made to the buffet.  In my defense, I had run that morning and hadn't eaten much all day because of trying to get to the reunion on time.  So buffet time came, and I dove in.

~ We're approaching the start of our first year of truly homeschooling.  I was feeling a bit of anxiety about it, considering I had NOT spent the summer gathering curriculum as I intended, but then I ventured into a local store that is chock full of not only homeschool curriculum, but a plethora of teaching aids, workbooks, games, and classroom supplies (i.e. bulletin board stuff!!) and my fears dissolved.  I had to firmly steer myself away from the pretty bulletin board decorations and other classroom wall items into the homeschool section.  And I'm so glad I did.  Within an hour, I had chosen our curriculum for the year and breathed a sigh of relief that it included a Teacher's Manual.  Hallelujah!  I don't have to try to figure out how to explain what a conjunction is, or how to multiply fractions!  The book basically has a script for me!  Needless to say, I feel MUCH better about our upcoming school year.  Not only do I get to buy school supplies (times two actually - some for school, some for home) but I get to buy workbooks and flashcards and pretty things for our walls!  It'll be like playing school!  But for real.    {gulp}     Uh oh.

~Running is going well.  I've been out several times this last week but only for about 3 miles at a whack.  I need to start upping those distances considering the next 1/2 marathon is in about four 1/2 weeks.  I'm definitely not going to be trying to PR this one but I really want to do it.  So I will and we'll see what happens.  Overall, it just feels great to be back out running.  I'm hoping that once the school year starts, I can get back to some kind of regular routine instead of just trying to squeeze in a run when I can.

~ My daughter's 5th birthday is Labor Day weekend.  We're thinking of heading east to the rodeo and to see family.  Although I think if that happens we may come home with pink cowboy boots.  (No, they wouldn't be for me.  Mine would be RED.)

All in all, it's been a full and fun summer.  We've hung out with friends, met some new ones, carried on some traditions, discovered new places and events, and basically just grabbed hold of life and held on for dear life.   And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Crazy suits me.

Destiny?

I've had the last week off of work and have enjoyed every minute of it.  We had no specific plans but I did want to try to run twice during that week to see how my knee would hold up, especially with only a couple days rest in between.

I'm happy to report that I had practically NO ITB pain!  WOOT!  I did a 30 minute run, paying attention to the levelness of the roads, and I was pain free.  Once I felt a twinge but as soon as I moved to more level ground, it went away.  Needless to say, I was about shouting with joy at being able to run again.  However, I can definitely tell a difference in my endurance so that'll have to be built back up.

The second run was three days later and a bit longer.  I think my legs were just hungry to RUN because I ran the fastest mile I've ever run (9:05) and even with walk breaks averaged a 10:18 pace over 3+ miles. 

Oh man, it just felt GOOD to run.  Yah, I was breathing pretty hard and my legs were protesting almost the entire time but it was GREAT.  Even now, when I'm driving home from town, I can't wait to get back out on my country roads and put in more miles.  I want to do my 10 mile route again, faster than last time.  I want to hit my driveway, exhausted, sweaty and drained and feel that sense of accomplishment again. 

I was talking to a friend about running while back, lamenting how I didn't think I'd ever BE a runner in spite of my efforts and she was, like, "Dude.  You ARE a runner.  Anyone who spends the amount of time you do reading about, thinking about, talking about, and planning runs IS a runner." 

I have to confess, I kind of think I was born to be a runner and I'm just now discovering it.  My mom said I was *running* at 9 months old:  not walking, but full out running. And she said I never fell.  As a kid I LOVED running downhill, crashing thru the woods and brush, teetering on the edge of losing control.  I have had dreams for years where I run and run like Forrest Gump and love that feeling of freedom. 

The more I run, the stronger I get, the more I want to run, the stronger I want to get.  I may never be the fastest, it may never truly be *easy*, but it doesn't matter.  Running has tattooed itself on me and I don't think it's gonna fade for a while.

Destiny, perhaps?