Big Plans

I have always been the type of person to dream big. To conjure up crazy ideas, become wildly infatuated with them, made grandiose plans, and then move onto the next idea. I can remember back to high school when trying to decide what I wanted to "be" when I grew up that all kinds of ideas went thru my head. At one point I decided that I should be an aeronautical engineer because my dream of being a fighter pilot was impossible (not sure how being an aeronautical engineer was the next best thing).

Oh, wait. You didn't know I wanted to be a fighter pilot? Oh man, was that ever an obsession. During my late teenage years, say 16-18, I was enthralled with all things jet. Living in Southern California at the time, there were quite a few military air stations around and you can bet your bottom I went to every single air show there was. I even saw an F-5 jet crash once. Instead of having posters of the latest hunky heartthrobs on my bedroom walls, I had posters of jets. Seriously. (Have I not told you before that I'm a huge dork??) I read books on the subject, and picked the brain of anyone and everyone I came into contact with who was remotely associated with flying.

I remember once my sister went on a date with a guy that was a flight surgeon in the Air Force - I was living with her at the time - and they came back to her house after their dinner out, and I proceeded to monopolize the poor guy for an hour, blathering on about flying and jets and spewing out probably inaccurate facts and statistics about my obsession. I seem to remember the guy looking at me like I had a third eye the whole time we were talking. And I don't think my sister ever dated him again. Hmmm.

Anyway, I digress.

My point is that there is SO much out there that I want to do and try, and my brain flies from one idea to the next with frightening speed, that it sometimes appears that I have no "follow-through". Maybe I have no focus, or a touch of Attention Deficit Disorder, and I know that it's probably tiring to listen to me get SO excited and worked up about something, convincing you that THIS is what I'm going to do, when two weeks later, I'm onto something else. But, it's who I am. I have a passion for life and know that there is so much out there waiting for me to do and try, that I sometimes just don't know where to start.

Being the mother of two small kids has obviously been my focus for the last 6+ years, and I've done it willingly. But now that they are getting bigger, and more independent, and easier to manage, I feel the tug to get back to doing things. One of my biggest fears before having kids was that it would completely consume me, change me, erase who I truly was. And while that old Johnson & Johnson commercial is true - "Having a baby changes everything" - it didn't erase who I was. It erased how I used to look at things, how I prioritized things, but I'm still ME. I'm still the crazy, slightly ADD, energetic, "what's next?" girl. And I've decided that if I'm not going to be adding to our family, it's time to get back out there and continue exploring the world and all it has to offer. I want challenges and adventures and goals and spontanaeity and plans to look forward to. Life is too damn short to just sit around.

So. That being said, my first challenge is I'm going for a walk in June. A 13-mile walk. A half marathon. I am NOT a runner, never have been, and I know better than to fool myself into thinking it's something I'm capable of. But I've always wanted the challenge of doing something like this and the personal satisfaction of being able to say "I did a half marathon". My good friend Heather and I have signed up to do the Rock 'n Roll Seattle Half Marathon the end of June and we're both really excited about it. As soon as the weather cooperates and warms up above, say, FREEZING, we'll get out there and start training. We both have an online training program all set up and we're itching to get started. We're financially committed to do it, so there's no backing out or changing our minds. Plus, we have each other to motivate us and keep us going. Both our hubbys are totally supportive of this endeavor, which makes all the difference. We'll take the kids with us when we can, but there are gonna be some long training walks where it's not gonna be productive to drag kids along.

I don't know what else I'll come up with in this new frame of mind, but I'm sure it'll be something. It always is. :)