Spring Fever

Aside from being desperate for warmer temperatures and drier days, I *really* need some better weather.  I am positively twitching in my yearning to get outside and run.  I've been doing all my runs and workouts at the gym which is lovely in that I have that option, but for some reason this year running on the treadmill for longer than about 30 minutes makes me very stabby. 

Last year when I was just starting to run, I'd slog through 60-75 minutes on the treadmill, gasping for breath and mentally willing my legs to keep turning over.  Whether it's a sign of progress in my ability or a decline in my level of patience, I don't know, but I just can't handle the treadmill for very long anymore.  Which means I'm not getting as many miles as I'd like in.  I've been bailing off the treadmill and switching to the elliptical after a few miles and that has helped.  I really do love the elliptical and try to tell myself that at least it's a similar motion to running and better than doing nothing.

I should point out that I'm kind of a big wimp when it comes to running in less-than-decent weather.  I don't readily head out in the pouring rain to run, or if there's wind, or if it's too cold.  (Ironic since I'll plow through mud and awful terrain and whatever weather there happens to be on a race day.)  There have been several days when I totally could have run, probably rather comfortably, if I'd just sucked it up and gone.  

I'm getting to the point though that I *really* want and need to be doing longer runs.  I'm dying to get out and RUN.  I miss running on the trails and roads around here.  

And my list of To-Do races is growing at an alarming rate.   So far I have a 5K in both April and May, a 1/2 marathon in May, a mud run and 1/2 marathon in June and a 15k and a 1/2 marathon in September.  Haven't lined anything up for July or August yet.  Those are busy months to begin with but I'm sure I'll find something.  I know there are races around here during those months, I just haven't nailed down the dates yet.   But you can be sure I will!

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In the March Runner's World magazine, there are a bunch of quotes from Dean Karnazes. My favorite was his response when asked "Doesn't running hurt?"  His reply?  "It does if you're doing it right." 

Gettin' Down & Dirty

Last fall my running pal, Heather, and I drug our men to a little event called The Warrior Dash.  We had all kinds of dirty fun and left feeling really badass.

This year those crazy lovebirds are already signed up to do it again, this time in our home state, but I waited too long to decide and now it's full on the day they're doing it.  I procrastinated because the race is the weekend after my 40th birthday and I am thinking about throwing myself a birthday bash that weekend.  And since the race is a couple hours away from home, I wasn't sure it would work.  So basically the fates decided for me.

This year, via the ol' Facebook, I learned of a different dirty race.  And since my mud buddies are already signed up for it, there was no way I was gonna miss out.  This one is the Survivor Mud Run and it is the weekend before the Seattle Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon.  Unfortunately, there is no fire to jump over at this race, but there appears to be a heckuva lot more mud.

Can I tell you how much I love that since mentioning this on Facebook I've had multiple friends grab me and say "I wanna do that mud race!  Can I come too??"   Seriously, I have the raddest friends.  And we're all gonna get down and dirty together.

Food is My Friend

So yet again, concern has been raised about whether I'm eating enough.  Let me say right off the bat - I EAT ENOUGH.  Food is my friend.  Yes, there are days I get so busy that I forget to eat three actual meals, but I'm not starving myself and trust me, when I forget to eat and I am suddenly reminded of that fact by my stomach gnawing on my backbone, I start stuffing whatever is closest into my pie-hole regardless of its nutritional value.   But when I have the time (which is almost always), I eat a healthy and balanced diet.

Lately I have been salad crazed.  I recently discovered that, unbeknownst to me, I actually DO like spinach - baby spinach, that is.  Here I've lived almost 40 years believing that I didn't like spinach when lo and behold, I DO.  'Tis nummy.  And this discovery I believe has re-fueled my salad-crazedness.  (Is too a word.)   I have been inhaling a large bowl of salad almost every night for dinner, especially at work.  Like, such a big bowl it would normally serve a family of four.

Today I went for a nice run at the gym and came home hungry so I built myself the following masterpiece:

Ingredients as follows:

2 handfuls of organic baby lettuce
1 handful of organic baby spinach
1/3 cup (or so) of shredded carrots
Almost half a red bell pepper, diced
Half an avocado
1/4 of an English cucumber
1/4 cup of crumbled blue cheese
About 2 Tbsp of dried cranberries
About 1/4 cup unsalted toasted almond slices

Dressing:  1 tsp dijon mustard, 1 1/2 Tbsp muscat orange champagne vinegar, 1 1/2 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil, fresh ground pepper.

According to this site the total calories in this salad were 809 calories.  That's a little on the high side for a bowl of rabbit food, but take into account the high fat content of the avocado, nuts, blue cheese and olive oil.  Now, except for the blue cheese, all those things are high in GOOD FATS.  So frankly, I consider this salad a success.  And having had my lipids all checked last week and finding out they are AWESOME, I'm not real concerned.

As I get to where I'm doing longer runs and more training, I am VERY aware of how much I eat.  Not just because I'm hungry all the time, but because I make sure to give myself enough of what I need.  At almost 5'9" and around 130 lbs, I know I don't have a lot of wiggle room for weight loss.  That's never been my goal.  I use an online site to track my daily calories, adding back in those I've burned on workouts.  I eat even when I'm not hungry.  I eat when I get home from work at midnight if I haven't had enough calories during the day or if I'm just plain hungry, even though that goes again everything we've ever heard ("Don't eat after 7pm").

I know I'm questioned and criticized out of concern (mostly) but it frustrates me that when you are thin, the world thinks it's okay to share their opinions about your body, something most people would never do to someone on the other end of the spectrum.  I mean seriously, would you ever say to an overweight person "I'm just really worried that you're eating too much.  Maybe you should lay off."  I'm much happier with the body I have now then when I weighed the same but was three sizes bigger.  I obviously had some extra padding if, when getting serious about exercise and diet, it melted away. 

I'm hurtling toward my 40th birthday and I'm actually excited about it, to be honest.  I'm proud to be heading into a new decade of my life, being fit and feeling fierce.

Bring it on.

Time Flies

Holy Crap!  It's 2011!  And I have a blog!  Where have I been?!!

Oh yah.  BUSY.

Anyway, the thought has been running through my mind more frequently that I should update this thing.  Not that anybody reads, but that's not really why I need to update it.  I want to record these moments in time so that I can look back and remember. 

So quick trip down recent memory lane...

Homeschooling:  Going WELL.  OMG, I am totally loving it (most days).  I alternately feel like I'm not doing enough for/with Sam and like I'm doing way better than the public school.  But reports from his teacher/counselor at school indicate that we're doing fine.  In his teacher's words he's BRIGHT, friendly, making friends, interacting and a real pleasure.  Active in the classroom but not naughty.  Such a different report and view than what we got from public school.  So.  I'm totally happy with that situation and looking forward to schooling Zoe next year too.  I love the little school we are part of and have made some great friends there.  I suspect we're never gonna want to leave it.

Running/Health:  I'm getting back into the swing of things, forcing myself to make time to run and get to the gym.  I'd like to do a 1/2 on Mothers' Day in preparation for the Seattle 1/2 in June.  I maintained my weight/size over the winter in spite of not exercising much or with any regularity and now I'm ready to ramp it back up.  I can tell I've lost muscle definition and I want it back.  I've had NO ITB pain.  We bought a 1/2 a beef this winter from J's uncle, so it was raised in a pasture and we know what it ate, and how it was treated and butchered.  It's damn good meat.  I've been really good with my diet (not "diet" as in losing weight, but as in the choices I'm making).  I'm eating a ton of vegetables and whole grain foods, although I'll admit an addiction to a particular brand of tortilla chips that I'm powerless to resist.  I maybe will have one drink every week or two, but otherwise am sticking to coffee and water.  LOTS of coffee.

Family:  Everyone's good.  We celebrated my dad's 70th birthday with a dinner out and a nice evening back at their house.  We're so blessed to still have him and he's doing great.  J hasn't been working much, which has been stressful, but at the moment he's got a little work.  I do alot of praying these days in regards to his employment.  I have moments of extreme terror knowing the possibilities that lurk just around the corner if work doesn't pick up.  Fortunately, he's branching his job search out instead of just focusing on electrical work.  And I do ALOT of praying.

Kids:  Zoe is Zoe.  She's silly, sweet, incredibly clever and funny, well-mannered, so loving and just a totally nice little girl.  She's my little shadow, preferring to spend her time with me to practically anything else.  She's lost the clinginess of her younger years, but now I think just loves to be with me.  There's not much I do that I don't have my helper with me, chores included.  She's loves school and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.  Sam is growing up, at 8.5 now.  In January I started taking him to a play therapist to see if it would help him sort out some of his frustrations and whatever else may be bugging him.  We have been INCREDIBLY pleased with this form of therapy, and it's been wildly successful for him.  The combination of homeschool and therapy have really been working wonders on him.  He's so much happier, content, affectionate and communicative.  There are still things we are working on (things I didn't even know were bugging him), but I totally believe he'll continue to improve and evolve into an incredible young man.  He's so intelligent and creative, curious and witty, and has such a sweet heart that I just watch him in awe and can't believe he's mine.  That boy is so special.

I still have too many books to read, too many projects I want to start/finish, too many races I want to run, and too many friends that I never get to spend time with.  It's still a crazy life.  And I still love it.

Catching My Breath

Happy November! Hard to believe that the holidays are just around the corner and that we’re nearing the end of 2010. The last couple months have FLOWN by. And by flown, I mean I barely remember any specifics of September and October save a haunting memory of frantic desperation and barely grasped control. In the words of a friend, “It’s all a shitty blur.”

However, I can confidently say that I am beginning to feel like I’m tentatively regaining control of my life again. I may completely jinx myself by saying as much, but I think things are starting to level out. Life is falling into a bit of a routine – albeit a completely crazy routine – but at least nothing is really popping up and scaring surprising me any more.  I feel like I'm finally catching my breath.

Deciding to homeschool Sam completely turned our lives upside down. It has required a whole new mindset and approach to our days and while early on it caused me a bit of anxiety and frustration, I know now that we absolutely, without a doubt, made the right decision. I don’t think we realized exactly how unhappy and miserable Sam was at his previous school. Yes, he cried and complained and begged not to go to school but aside from his vocal complaints, I don’t think we realized how connected his unhappiness and some of his behaviors were. I’d always maintained that school was killing his confidence but I had no idea how bad it was. Kind of like you have no idea how bad your eyes are until you get glasses and can see all you’ve been missing.

My little boy, who a few months ago was unwilling to try anything new, to accept a compliment, to verbalize happiness or satisfaction, whose automatic response to most everything was negative or derogatory, who would get so frustrated and upset that he’d clench his fists and shake and cry and say “I’m so stupid!”…well, that boy is gone.

In his place a sweet little boy has re-emerged. He is happy and silly. He is willing and almost eager to try new things, demonstrating the return of his confidence. He is cooperative and compliant when asked to do chores around the house. He is content and expressive of his happiness. He is compassionate and affectionate with us. He’s even showing signs of being self-motivated in his schoolwork.

I’ll tell you what. I will keep up this frenetic pace and selfless and incessantly hard work for the rest of my days if it means having that little boy happy again. I questioned myself so many times about whether I was making the right decision in regards to his schooling, whether I would do him more harm than good, whether I had it in me to do this thing, whether I could be that selfless. And I’ve learned that while I don’t have all the answers and that some days I fumble about trying to get it right, I do have the secret to making it all work: desire. I want this. I want to homeschool my kids. I want to see them happy and content and confident. I want them to see how important they are to me and that I will willingly will do whatever it takes to do what’s best for them. I want the crazy that goes with this life.

Because honestly? It’s crazy GOOD.

Thinking Outloud

I'm supposed to be training for another half marathon, which is in two weeks.  And I've run precisely ONCE in the last week.  Hmmm. 

Currently I'm in mental discussions with myself about whether I should even try to do it.  1. Some friends from work are going and I'd love to go hang out with them and do this.  It'd be a little kid-free break with girlfriends and that alone is very enticing.  2. My goal for the year was to do 2-4 races and I've only done one.  3. There's no rule that says I have to run the whole thing. Obviously. But I know myself and I'm afraid that once I get out there my competitive spirit will kick in and I'll push myself.  4. The date of the race is 10/10/10 and that's just cool. I want a shirt with that date on it. 

I should be able to get a few runs in in the next couple weeks. I was able to change my schedule at work so that I work the same days each week, which will help tremendously with all that's going on in my life.  Or at least I hope it will.

I need to just go do this race. I want to.  The company alone will make whatever pain I inflict on myself worth it.  Besides, I don't think Paula will let me NOT do it. 

It'll Get Easier

I may have spoke too soon in my last post about crazy suiting me.

Holy schnikeys.

The crazy has gotten CRAZY. 

I'm not checking myself into a padded cell just yet, but I sure hope a month from now things have settled into some kind of routine.  Or even that I'll be used to this kind of crazy and it'll be the new normal. 

Because this is what my life looks like right now:

Mon/Wed/Fri - Zoe has preschool. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed and out the door by 9am.  And on at least a couple of those days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Tue/Fri - Sam has school. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed, lunch & backpacked packed and out the door by 8:30am.  And on one of the days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Mon/Wed/Thurs - Sam is home and we do homeschool.  Which means he whines, complains, cries, stomps and ignores me for a portion of the morning while I beg, plead, threaten, cajole and ignore him, trying to get him to do his work.

Mon/Wed - Both kids have swimming lessons right around dinner time in town.  I work one of the days which means Daddy has to get home from work, and turn around head to town to get them there on time. The other day means that I get to do the shuffle.

One week I work Mon/Tue/Fri, the next week I work Wed/Thurs, which means I have to leave home by about 2:20pm to get to work.  And since Hubby is working full-time right now (YAY!!!) and doesn't get home until 4-4:30pm, I have to get the kids over to my parents' or sister's house before leaving for work.

I am on the Newsletter Committee at work and am supposed to write the cover story this month, as well as gather other information for various features.

I am on the Practice Committee for my position at work and have to attend meetings in addition to my regular shifts as well as send updates to co-workers and write updates for the above mentioned newsletter.

Oh, and I'm also training for another half marathon which is in less than a month, which means that I should *technically* be running at least 3-4 times a week.  You know, in all my spare time.

Of course, there's all the fun housewifely stuff too.  You know, the laundry, the cleaning, the shopping, the bill paying, the cooking.

Don't get me wrong, I invited all this crazy into my life.  But boy, I didn't think it'd be like this.  I just keep telling myself that the schooling will settle into a routine and that soon I'll win the Lottery, quit my job and hire a maid and private tutor for the kids and that we'll all get adjusted to our new way of life. 

It'll get easier.  That's what I keep telling myself.