Homeschoolin'

This is my second full year of homeschooling and I've noticed lately when I think or talk about it, it suddenly feels comfortable.  Very quietly, the feeling of being at peace, of knowing I'm doing the right thing, of feeling this is normal and not some temporary aberration, has stolen over me.  It's as much a part of our lives now as going to work or cooking dinner. I don't know if I'll ever feel like it's a cake walk, but I no longer feel any inner turmoil about whether I should be doing this or whether I'm doing enough.

At the start of the year, I was still in turmoil partially because I'd gotten Sam's MSP scores from the previous year.  And he didn't pass.  Not by much, but still.  And it bothered me.  As I'm sure many parents feel, when our kids fail at something we blame ourselves.  Yet at the same time I was berating myself for not doing a good enough job teaching him, the other side of my brain was suggesting that maybe Sam just didn't test well, that he hurried through it due to lack of interest, and that his teachers had no concerns whatsoever with where he was at.  All those thoughts were reinforced during my first meeting with his teacher in November.  Mr. N. said the exact same thing - kids are not test scores.  He reaffirmed what I already knew:  Sam is very bright, very quick and when he cooperates and is interested, he's a freaking wizard.

This year, Zoe started Kindergarten so I am schooling two instead of one.  She would probably do just fine in a traditional school setting, but then again, she's a little girl.  But I'm not having my kids on two different schedules, in two different schools.  And I'm certainly not sending her to the school that Sam went to.  I'm happy to report, she is doing splendidly here at home.  She's zooming through her work and making great progress.  She's a very eager learner (most of the time) and seems to be especially loving math right now.  I'm pretty sure she'll finish up the Kindergarten level work before the end of the year.

One of my biggest complaints about this whole endeavor is just not having enough TIME.  I work several evenings a week, so schoolwork has to be done before I leave.  And because I work several evenings a week, it doesn't leave me a whole lot of time to really plan.  I could spend several hours every Sunday evening getting our week planned out, researching things, printing out stuff, and hunting down fun games, projects, etc.  But I just don't have the TIME.  I mean, I could hole up in my office on the nights I'm home and completely neglect my family and house, but that wouldn't do anybody any good.  So for now, we piece it together day to day. 

This is how our day has looked today:  I woke up about 8:45am, the kids were already up watching cartoons.  I drank my coffee and woke up, they played and watched TV.  Then about 10:00am, I made them some breakfast and they got started on schoolwork.  Sam started with English, learning about singular and possessive plural nouns.  Zoe occupied herself with drawing in her journal.  They took a 15 minute break, then came back and worked on Math.  I went back and forth between them, providing direction and help as needed.  Then Zoe moved on to practicing her handwriting in a dry-erase book, while Sam did his reading comprehension exercise and his spelling practice.  Meanwhile, I puttered in the kitchen, making some homemade granola and cleaning up breakfast stuff.  Currently, they are playing in the living room, shooting each other with Nerf guns.  We'll call that PE.  While I'm in the shower, Sam will do his phonics work, a page from his Map Skills, a logic puzzle and possibly some writing.  Zoe will also do her phonics work and maybe a sequencing exercise.  (Yesterday we didn't get a lick of work done because I had a doctor's appt so we're doing a bit extra today.)  When I'm done in the shower, I'll have the kids clean their bathroom, and we'll call it a day since I have to head to work.

It's been a full day but pretty typical. 

Time Flies

Holy Crap!  It's 2011!  And I have a blog!  Where have I been?!!

Oh yah.  BUSY.

Anyway, the thought has been running through my mind more frequently that I should update this thing.  Not that anybody reads, but that's not really why I need to update it.  I want to record these moments in time so that I can look back and remember. 

So quick trip down recent memory lane...

Homeschooling:  Going WELL.  OMG, I am totally loving it (most days).  I alternately feel like I'm not doing enough for/with Sam and like I'm doing way better than the public school.  But reports from his teacher/counselor at school indicate that we're doing fine.  In his teacher's words he's BRIGHT, friendly, making friends, interacting and a real pleasure.  Active in the classroom but not naughty.  Such a different report and view than what we got from public school.  So.  I'm totally happy with that situation and looking forward to schooling Zoe next year too.  I love the little school we are part of and have made some great friends there.  I suspect we're never gonna want to leave it.

Running/Health:  I'm getting back into the swing of things, forcing myself to make time to run and get to the gym.  I'd like to do a 1/2 on Mothers' Day in preparation for the Seattle 1/2 in June.  I maintained my weight/size over the winter in spite of not exercising much or with any regularity and now I'm ready to ramp it back up.  I can tell I've lost muscle definition and I want it back.  I've had NO ITB pain.  We bought a 1/2 a beef this winter from J's uncle, so it was raised in a pasture and we know what it ate, and how it was treated and butchered.  It's damn good meat.  I've been really good with my diet (not "diet" as in losing weight, but as in the choices I'm making).  I'm eating a ton of vegetables and whole grain foods, although I'll admit an addiction to a particular brand of tortilla chips that I'm powerless to resist.  I maybe will have one drink every week or two, but otherwise am sticking to coffee and water.  LOTS of coffee.

Family:  Everyone's good.  We celebrated my dad's 70th birthday with a dinner out and a nice evening back at their house.  We're so blessed to still have him and he's doing great.  J hasn't been working much, which has been stressful, but at the moment he's got a little work.  I do alot of praying these days in regards to his employment.  I have moments of extreme terror knowing the possibilities that lurk just around the corner if work doesn't pick up.  Fortunately, he's branching his job search out instead of just focusing on electrical work.  And I do ALOT of praying.

Kids:  Zoe is Zoe.  She's silly, sweet, incredibly clever and funny, well-mannered, so loving and just a totally nice little girl.  She's my little shadow, preferring to spend her time with me to practically anything else.  She's lost the clinginess of her younger years, but now I think just loves to be with me.  There's not much I do that I don't have my helper with me, chores included.  She's loves school and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.  Sam is growing up, at 8.5 now.  In January I started taking him to a play therapist to see if it would help him sort out some of his frustrations and whatever else may be bugging him.  We have been INCREDIBLY pleased with this form of therapy, and it's been wildly successful for him.  The combination of homeschool and therapy have really been working wonders on him.  He's so much happier, content, affectionate and communicative.  There are still things we are working on (things I didn't even know were bugging him), but I totally believe he'll continue to improve and evolve into an incredible young man.  He's so intelligent and creative, curious and witty, and has such a sweet heart that I just watch him in awe and can't believe he's mine.  That boy is so special.

I still have too many books to read, too many projects I want to start/finish, too many races I want to run, and too many friends that I never get to spend time with.  It's still a crazy life.  And I still love it.

Catching My Breath

Happy November! Hard to believe that the holidays are just around the corner and that we’re nearing the end of 2010. The last couple months have FLOWN by. And by flown, I mean I barely remember any specifics of September and October save a haunting memory of frantic desperation and barely grasped control. In the words of a friend, “It’s all a shitty blur.”

However, I can confidently say that I am beginning to feel like I’m tentatively regaining control of my life again. I may completely jinx myself by saying as much, but I think things are starting to level out. Life is falling into a bit of a routine – albeit a completely crazy routine – but at least nothing is really popping up and scaring surprising me any more.  I feel like I'm finally catching my breath.

Deciding to homeschool Sam completely turned our lives upside down. It has required a whole new mindset and approach to our days and while early on it caused me a bit of anxiety and frustration, I know now that we absolutely, without a doubt, made the right decision. I don’t think we realized exactly how unhappy and miserable Sam was at his previous school. Yes, he cried and complained and begged not to go to school but aside from his vocal complaints, I don’t think we realized how connected his unhappiness and some of his behaviors were. I’d always maintained that school was killing his confidence but I had no idea how bad it was. Kind of like you have no idea how bad your eyes are until you get glasses and can see all you’ve been missing.

My little boy, who a few months ago was unwilling to try anything new, to accept a compliment, to verbalize happiness or satisfaction, whose automatic response to most everything was negative or derogatory, who would get so frustrated and upset that he’d clench his fists and shake and cry and say “I’m so stupid!”…well, that boy is gone.

In his place a sweet little boy has re-emerged. He is happy and silly. He is willing and almost eager to try new things, demonstrating the return of his confidence. He is cooperative and compliant when asked to do chores around the house. He is content and expressive of his happiness. He is compassionate and affectionate with us. He’s even showing signs of being self-motivated in his schoolwork.

I’ll tell you what. I will keep up this frenetic pace and selfless and incessantly hard work for the rest of my days if it means having that little boy happy again. I questioned myself so many times about whether I was making the right decision in regards to his schooling, whether I would do him more harm than good, whether I had it in me to do this thing, whether I could be that selfless. And I’ve learned that while I don’t have all the answers and that some days I fumble about trying to get it right, I do have the secret to making it all work: desire. I want this. I want to homeschool my kids. I want to see them happy and content and confident. I want them to see how important they are to me and that I will willingly will do whatever it takes to do what’s best for them. I want the crazy that goes with this life.

Because honestly? It’s crazy GOOD.

It'll Get Easier

I may have spoke too soon in my last post about crazy suiting me.

Holy schnikeys.

The crazy has gotten CRAZY. 

I'm not checking myself into a padded cell just yet, but I sure hope a month from now things have settled into some kind of routine.  Or even that I'll be used to this kind of crazy and it'll be the new normal. 

Because this is what my life looks like right now:

Mon/Wed/Fri - Zoe has preschool. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed and out the door by 9am.  And on at least a couple of those days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Tue/Fri - Sam has school. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed, lunch & backpacked packed and out the door by 8:30am.  And on one of the days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Mon/Wed/Thurs - Sam is home and we do homeschool.  Which means he whines, complains, cries, stomps and ignores me for a portion of the morning while I beg, plead, threaten, cajole and ignore him, trying to get him to do his work.

Mon/Wed - Both kids have swimming lessons right around dinner time in town.  I work one of the days which means Daddy has to get home from work, and turn around head to town to get them there on time. The other day means that I get to do the shuffle.

One week I work Mon/Tue/Fri, the next week I work Wed/Thurs, which means I have to leave home by about 2:20pm to get to work.  And since Hubby is working full-time right now (YAY!!!) and doesn't get home until 4-4:30pm, I have to get the kids over to my parents' or sister's house before leaving for work.

I am on the Newsletter Committee at work and am supposed to write the cover story this month, as well as gather other information for various features.

I am on the Practice Committee for my position at work and have to attend meetings in addition to my regular shifts as well as send updates to co-workers and write updates for the above mentioned newsletter.

Oh, and I'm also training for another half marathon which is in less than a month, which means that I should *technically* be running at least 3-4 times a week.  You know, in all my spare time.

Of course, there's all the fun housewifely stuff too.  You know, the laundry, the cleaning, the shopping, the bill paying, the cooking.

Don't get me wrong, I invited all this crazy into my life.  But boy, I didn't think it'd be like this.  I just keep telling myself that the schooling will settle into a routine and that soon I'll win the Lottery, quit my job and hire a maid and private tutor for the kids and that we'll all get adjusted to our new way of life. 

It'll get easier.  That's what I keep telling myself.

Life With a Side of Crazy

Boy, here we are.  Near the end of August.  I'm grabbing a minute to write because I know I won't have much of a chance for the next couple weeks.  The summer is wrapping up with a sprint to the finish.  Here are just the highlights:

~ My boy celebrated a birthday this last weekend.  For accomplishing the amazing feat of surviving for eight years in this family in this world, he was rewarded with copious amounts of Legos, Nerf guns and cash not to mention cake, ice cream sundaes and root beer floats.

~ My husband's 20th year high school class reunion was the same weekend.  For not having gone to the same school and only knowing a handful of folks who did, it was a pretty nice time.  Every one was very friendly and chatty and the food was good.  I was really hungry by the time the food was brought out and let's just say that if I'd been a heavier gal, folks would have been whispering about the amount of food and/or the number of trips I made to the buffet.  In my defense, I had run that morning and hadn't eaten much all day because of trying to get to the reunion on time.  So buffet time came, and I dove in.

~ We're approaching the start of our first year of truly homeschooling.  I was feeling a bit of anxiety about it, considering I had NOT spent the summer gathering curriculum as I intended, but then I ventured into a local store that is chock full of not only homeschool curriculum, but a plethora of teaching aids, workbooks, games, and classroom supplies (i.e. bulletin board stuff!!) and my fears dissolved.  I had to firmly steer myself away from the pretty bulletin board decorations and other classroom wall items into the homeschool section.  And I'm so glad I did.  Within an hour, I had chosen our curriculum for the year and breathed a sigh of relief that it included a Teacher's Manual.  Hallelujah!  I don't have to try to figure out how to explain what a conjunction is, or how to multiply fractions!  The book basically has a script for me!  Needless to say, I feel MUCH better about our upcoming school year.  Not only do I get to buy school supplies (times two actually - some for school, some for home) but I get to buy workbooks and flashcards and pretty things for our walls!  It'll be like playing school!  But for real.    {gulp}     Uh oh.

~Running is going well.  I've been out several times this last week but only for about 3 miles at a whack.  I need to start upping those distances considering the next 1/2 marathon is in about four 1/2 weeks.  I'm definitely not going to be trying to PR this one but I really want to do it.  So I will and we'll see what happens.  Overall, it just feels great to be back out running.  I'm hoping that once the school year starts, I can get back to some kind of regular routine instead of just trying to squeeze in a run when I can.

~ My daughter's 5th birthday is Labor Day weekend.  We're thinking of heading east to the rodeo and to see family.  Although I think if that happens we may come home with pink cowboy boots.  (No, they wouldn't be for me.  Mine would be RED.)

All in all, it's been a full and fun summer.  We've hung out with friends, met some new ones, carried on some traditions, discovered new places and events, and basically just grabbed hold of life and held on for dear life.   And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Crazy suits me.

Schooling

It is 1:00pm on a Wednesday and I am *still* in my pajamas.  My house is a disaster, my children are *still* in their pajamas, there is laundry to do, I have a stack of books to read, we've not actually eaten a meal today - just snacked- and my legs need shaving.

This is what homeschooling has done to me. 

But truth be told, I think we're doing okay.  We're starting to see a bit of a routine emerge, we're figuring out what works and what doesn't, what we like and what we don't.  We love being able to go outside when the sun in shining and play a quick game of tetherball, or eating our lunch on the deck, or watching a tv program that relates to what we're studying.  I'm finding that everything throughout the day is a learning opportunity.  Going to the grocery store, picking out plants for our garden, planting seeds are all teachable moments.  I find that I'm very aware that I'm the teacher now and that I can use any situation or experience to impart some kind of knowledge. 

We've relocated my computer and desk upstairs to the bonus room so that we have more space.  Some of what we do requires the computer and my little office space just wasn't big enough to include a work area for Sam.  Now we have lots of room, with bright daylight and we can leave our mess spread out over various tables.  (This is SO much better than cluttering up my dining room table and island.) 

It's a new way of life - a new never-child-free way of life - but we're adjusting to it. It's not just me and my previous routine that have had to adjust; Sam is getting used to me being the teacher AND the momma.  We butt heads occasionally but I have the advantage of inflicting more meaningful punishment than his teacher at school (i.e. taking away video game or TV privileges), but I also love him unconditionally and I hope that that shines through.

Unrecognizable

Seriously, who slipped my life a hit of acid?  Because it has just gone wacky.  Every single item of whack could fill up its own blog post, and maybe eventually it will, but in summary here's what's been going on:

About 12 days ago, after about 18 hours of vomiting, diarrhea, fever and excruciating lower back pain, I made my husband take me to the Emergency Room.  You have to know this about me:  I WORK at the hospital and really make it a point to NOT go there unless I'm being paid to do so.  In this case, however, I was willing and even eager to give them whatever they wanted if only they would GIVE ME DRUGS.  Which, thankfully, they did and I was able to (mostly) stop tossing up everything I'd eaten in the previous month days and writhing in pain.  It's only been in the last 3-4 days that I've felt back to normal - I was *that* wrecked.

So needless to say, I've not been running or even setting foot near the gym.  That will be remedied this week.  My hiatus is over and I'm back on the wagon, so to speak.  Enough of living on buttery toast and whatever sounds least likely to cause pain (i.e. ice cream) and back to fruit smoothies and salad.  (Don't worry - I eat more than that.)

My fascination with all things food is reaching fever pitch.  After watching Food, Inc. a while back I've been hungry to learn more about what's really going on with America's food.  I'm currently reading Michael Pollan's book The Omnivore's Dilemma and boy howdy...is THAT an eye opener.  I dare you to read it and NOT have it change how you shop and eat.  I'm barely a quarter of the way through it and keep finding myself shaking my head in disgust and disbelief.  America, suffice it to say that the government is force feeding us CRAP.  You want to know why we're overweight and dying younger and younger?!  READ THE BOOK.  I am alternately outraged and acutely impassioned about this topic and if you get within earshot of me, you will likely hear me spew forth facts from the movie and/or book and my opinions and thoughts on the enormous injustice that is our food system.  (Truly, I am composing an entire essay in my head on this topic I am so on fire about it.  Right now, I am still in the outlining phase, but an essay will be forthcoming, mark my words.) 

And lastly, I have metaphorically donned my denim jumper and comfortable shoes, braided my hair, quit wearing makeup and have embraced HOMESCHOOLING.  If you know me IRL, you know this idea has been swirling around in my head for a couple years now.  Not because it was something I always wanted to do, but because after seeing Sam through kindergarten I suspected that maybe Sam + classroom would not entirely = success.  Long story short, my suspicions were indeed realized and then there was the lovely added benefit of a couple of little assholes in his classroom (and by assholes I mean children whose parents either were a) high on crack/drunk most of the time, b) wishing they'd used a condom, c) not interested in being a parent, or D) all of the above.)  Trust me, I do not fault the children - the blame lies solely with the sorry excuse for parents that procreated those kids.  But I am not obligated to subject MY child to those children and their foul mouths/crude & inappropriate behavior/delinquent tendencies just because we have the misfortune to reside in the same school district.  So, as of a week ago, Sam no longer goes to that school.  Or any school, for that matter.  (If you couldn't tell, this subject also fires me up a little.)  For the remainder of this year, we are homeschooling.  Next year, we are working on getting a plan in place that I think will make everyone happy and be the best for Sam, which is the whole point.

************************************

These days I barely recognize my life.  I mean, who am I?  I'm running, I'm homeschooling, I'm gettin' all earthy.  I feel like I'm a walking jumble of adjectives:  outraged, inspired, determined, searching, motivated, humbled, relieved, focused.  Evolving.  On the verge.  I feel like the things I'm going through right now are changing me - are changing who I am, how I think, how I act.   I can feel it physically, like growing pains. 

But I guess that's what's happening:  I'm growing a new life.

May I See Your License?

Today I went on a field trip with Sam's 2nd grade class.  They've been studying wetlands in science class so they loaded all the 2nd graders up and hauled them to a nearby lake, which is surrounded by wetlands.  It was a fun and interesting day, with beautiful weather, and even the parents learned a few things. 

Next to the lake area is a park where our half of the group spent the morning, seeing the farm animals, running around and having lunch while the other group toured the wetlands.  There is a nice trail that connects the two areas that is probably 1/4 mile or so.  On the way back over to the lake for our turn, Sam and a classmate were lagging way behind the rest of the group.  I encouraged him to catch up, but he complained that he was tiiiirrred and couldn't go any faster.

I joked with him that if he was gonna run out of energy so quickly they were going to revoke his kid license and make him be an adult.

"But Mom," he replied matter of factly, "I don't have a kid license.  All I have is a library card and two tickets to the Fair!"

Beginnings

Tomorrow Sam heads back to school as a 2nd grader. Today we went and met his teacher (turns out he'll actually have two - more on that in a minute) and saw his new classroom. It was so sweet to see him greet and hug various teachers, all while grinning madly. I think he's more excited to return to school then he's letting on. And I'm so glad we won't be going thru any of the drama we went through last year with switching schools.

If I've not mentioned it before, the elementary school he goes to is pretty small. There are only 1.5 second grade classes, the .5 being a split 2nd/3rd grade class. He's in the 2nd grade room, sharing it with 23 other students. His teacher, Mrs. S., explained that because there were so many kids that he and several other students would be going over to Mrs. T's room in the afternoon for math and science. They will be joined by the 2nd graders from the split class. Other than the obvious benefit of being able to work with & teach a smaller class more effectively, Sam will have the advantage of knowing ALL of the 2nd graders since he'll spend the first half of the day with one class and the last half with the others. I think he'll enjoy that.

I think it's going to be a good year for him. I liked his primary teacher, Mrs. S.; she's young and has a child of her own, which I think lends another level of patience and understanding to a teacher. His math/science teacher is an older lady that has been teaching for years and seems very kind and calm. Lord knows she's gonna need with it a herd of 2nd graders!

All in all, I'm in a MUCH better frame of mind about the start of this school year than I was last year. Man, but I sure struggled with it last year. While I'm still going to miss my boy, I'm excited to see what the year brings. I plan on helping in his classroom as much as I can, joining his for lunch during the week, and going on field trips of course. I'm glad that he'll be back with his friends, continuing his friendships, and working on his tetherball skills. I think he'll be happy and that makes me happy.

**************************
My Zoë-girl starts off on her educational adventure next week, when she joins the preschool crowd. She'll be going two mornings a week and, while she's excited about it now, we'll see how she reacts when Momma walks out the door. I hope that she'll be fine and can just embrace it and have a great time. Stay tuned.
**************************
Since everyone is going back to school and getting new school clothes and pencils, I wanted to join in the fun. I'm working on getting enrolled in the local community college and am going to tiptoe back into the classroom (online) and start working towards a degree. I think I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up.

It's only taken 38 years and a couple kids to show me that I really just want to play with school supplies and kids all day. So, I think I'm going to pursue a degree in elementary education in hopes of being a teacher. I mean, what better schedule to have when you have kids yourself? My kids are just starting off in their education and considering that I actually really LIKE my kids and WANT to be part of their lives, I can't think of a better job to have than one that gives me weekends, holidays and summers off with them.

I know it's going to be challenging at times; I work almost full-time, have two small kids and a husband, a house on 5 acres, I keep signing up for half marathons which require some training, I have friends I like to see and hobbies I like to pursue, plus I'm trying to go back to school.

It's never going to get any easier. And if I don't start, I'll never finish.