Kate from A to Z

Just trying to get *something* posted so I'm copying Rhi because I'm uninspired at the moment.

A. Age: 40.  And I'm actually totally OK with announcing it.


B. Bed size: King - A horribly uncomfortable King that we need to return to Costco.

C. Chore that you hate: Mopping the floor.

D. Dogs: One - Tessa, a black lab mix we adopted about 3 years ago from the shelter.  She is our resident cat herder (I have 4).
E. Essential start to your day:  Multiple cups of coffee.

F. Favorite color:  Red

G. Gold or Silver:  Silver.

H. Height:  Just a smidge under 5' 9".

I. Instruments you play: The piano. Although I've always wanted to play the cello.

J. Job title:  Health Unit Coordinator.

K. Kids:  Two - Sam is 9 1/2, Zoe 6 1/2

L. Live:  In a big red house on 5 acres in the country.

M. Mother’s name:  Darys.  Unusual, I know.  Her father's name was Daryl, so they took off the "L" and added and "S".

N. Nicknames:  Kater

O. Overnight hospital stays:  4 that I can recollect.  The first was when I was about 10. I had some type of liver infection. Second was when I had my tonsils out at the age of 29.  Then 3rd and 4th were when I had the kiddos.
P. Pet peeves:  Wet and/or messy countertops.  Lazy people.

Q. Quote from a movie:  "You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed?"
R. Right- or left-handed: Right

S. Siblings:  Two older sisters.

U. Underwear:  Let's just suffice it to say I have several different styles:  daily kind, workout kind, sleeping kind.
V. Vegetable(s) you hate:  Peas. I'd say squash and brussel sprouts but I'd have to confess that I haven't really had them as an adult.
W. What makes you run late:  Getting up late after working the night before, forgetting something at home and having to go back for it.

X. X-Rays you’ve had:  Knees, hand, elbow

Y. Yummy food that you make:  I make killer chicken & black bean enchiladas, lemony garlic roasted potatoes, broccoli salad, banana bread.....there's alot of yummy things I make!

Z. Zoo animal:  Tigers.  And otters. 

Sunny

Today was one of those rare February days:  gloriously sunny and about 55°.  There was still a crisp and light quality to the air that is reminiscent of early Spring, but still, it was HEAVEN.  There was a brisk breeze that kept me from truly feeling warm, but the sun streaming in the windows was a treat.

Well, actually the sun streaming in my windows illuminated exactly how dirty my windows were so I found myself cleaning the insides of several of the windows. Then I noticed that the sun also lit up the fine haze of dust on my counters and dining room table.  So I wiped those down. And the floors always need to be done, so I swept and vacummed.  And since I was tidying things up, I went ahead and changed my sheets.  I wasn't going to hog all the sunshiny cleaning fun, so I shared the joy with the kids and let them empty the garbages, pick up their scattered things, unload the dishwasher and fill the woodbox. 

We made a quick trip to the store and library, then came home and worked on dinner.  The sunshine demanded that the BBQ be put back to use, so it was decided that dinner would be a Greek theme.  Souvlaki chicken, Greek salad and lemony garlic roasted potatoes.  My dad came over to join us, after I extended the invitation to him earlier in the day, and we had a nice dinner.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I LOVE THE SUNSHINE.  I'm always amazed at the difference in makes in my energy level and my productivity.  Man, if I lived somewhere sunny, there's no telling what I'd accomplish.  :)

Getting back on the horse

I think almost daily about this space that I possess, where I once wrote and recorded the minutiae of my life.  Then that minutiae buried me and Facebook became easier.  But Facebook doesn't keep the same record a blog does.  So, here I am, yet again, trying to get back on the proverbial blogging horse.

I changed the name of this space, not because my life is no longer crazy, ho ho, NO.  But because I am in constant pursuit these days.  It ties in with my all-time favorite quote (see the side bar ---->).  The pursuit I am talking about is not the kind where you're desperately chasing something that is getting away from you.  Instead, I'm talking about pursuing something.  And in my case, pursuing MANY things.

I turned 40 last summer and it was like it flipped a switch in me.  All of a sudden, I felt like things came very sharply into focus, or at least more focused than they'd ever been.  The things I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, HOW I wanted to be, how I wanted to use my time and talents.  There's just so much I want to do that it suddenly all just clicked that NOW IS THE TIME.  GO, GIRL.   And so, here I am, exhausting myself in the glorious pursuit of my life.

I set some goals for 2012 - some ambitious (run 400+ miles), some pretty mundane (repaint master bath), and some that are more To-Do's than goals (build garden boxes).  Some are silly (get another tattoo), some are for personal satisfaction (get family photos taken).    But aside from those that I wrote down, I really just want to push myself this year.  I want to find out what I'm capable of. 

One of my blogger crushes, Beth, wrote something today about runners that I think is so true:  "Running is expansive – it opens you wider than you thought you could go. It gives you courage and confidence to tackle other parts of your life that might otherwise feel unmanageable or impossible." 

I swore for years I hated running, couldn't do it, had no desire to do it.  And yet somehow at 38, I discovered I loved running.  I was amazed that I could train myself to do something that was SO hard and that I had previously thought impossible.  I'll be honest, it hasn't been easy.  I've never worked as hard at anything (other than parenting) as I have at becoming a runner.  But it's proved to me that I can do hard things and that it is worth it.  Doing something so physically challenging, rather late in the game, has opened my eyes to a whole world of possibilities. No longer is anything out of reach, because by George, if I can drag my almost 40 year old body through 13.1 miles, who knows what I'm capable of!

On that note, I'm going to drag my exhausted body to bed.  Because tomorrow is a whole 'nother day full of pursuits.

Inked

Tired

I haven't the creative juices this morning to string together any witty repartee because my job has sucked the life out of me.  I picked up some extra hours this week which left me with only one day off and a couple particulary long shifts, back to back.  Over the last two days I've worked 26 hours.  The day before that I did my normal 8 and today I have a measly 8 hours to grind out.  So all in all, I will have worked 42 hours in 4 days time.  I think the total for the 7-day week is 58 hours. 

I used to do this almost every week when I was in my 20's.  I worked two jobs and typically worked 19-20 days in a row every month without a day off, most of those days being 12-14 hour days.  Ah, youth....

Hopefully I won't be having to pick up many extra hours in the future because thankfully my hubby has found a full-time job.  Work has been kind of patchy for over a year now and we've really been struggling financially.  It could have been so much worse, I know.  There are thousands of people out there who are losing everything, but it sure wasn't fun every month stressing about how we were gonna pay the mortgage.  But we paid it.  Every month.  So now, I think we can start to breathe a bit easier and Momma can get back to doing what she does best - taking care of her family.

And sleeping.

Spring Fever

Aside from being desperate for warmer temperatures and drier days, I *really* need some better weather.  I am positively twitching in my yearning to get outside and run.  I've been doing all my runs and workouts at the gym which is lovely in that I have that option, but for some reason this year running on the treadmill for longer than about 30 minutes makes me very stabby. 

Last year when I was just starting to run, I'd slog through 60-75 minutes on the treadmill, gasping for breath and mentally willing my legs to keep turning over.  Whether it's a sign of progress in my ability or a decline in my level of patience, I don't know, but I just can't handle the treadmill for very long anymore.  Which means I'm not getting as many miles as I'd like in.  I've been bailing off the treadmill and switching to the elliptical after a few miles and that has helped.  I really do love the elliptical and try to tell myself that at least it's a similar motion to running and better than doing nothing.

I should point out that I'm kind of a big wimp when it comes to running in less-than-decent weather.  I don't readily head out in the pouring rain to run, or if there's wind, or if it's too cold.  (Ironic since I'll plow through mud and awful terrain and whatever weather there happens to be on a race day.)  There have been several days when I totally could have run, probably rather comfortably, if I'd just sucked it up and gone.  

I'm getting to the point though that I *really* want and need to be doing longer runs.  I'm dying to get out and RUN.  I miss running on the trails and roads around here.  

And my list of To-Do races is growing at an alarming rate.   So far I have a 5K in both April and May, a 1/2 marathon in May, a mud run and 1/2 marathon in June and a 15k and a 1/2 marathon in September.  Haven't lined anything up for July or August yet.  Those are busy months to begin with but I'm sure I'll find something.  I know there are races around here during those months, I just haven't nailed down the dates yet.   But you can be sure I will!

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In the March Runner's World magazine, there are a bunch of quotes from Dean Karnazes. My favorite was his response when asked "Doesn't running hurt?"  His reply?  "It does if you're doing it right." 

Gettin' Down & Dirty

Last fall my running pal, Heather, and I drug our men to a little event called The Warrior Dash.  We had all kinds of dirty fun and left feeling really badass.

This year those crazy lovebirds are already signed up to do it again, this time in our home state, but I waited too long to decide and now it's full on the day they're doing it.  I procrastinated because the race is the weekend after my 40th birthday and I am thinking about throwing myself a birthday bash that weekend.  And since the race is a couple hours away from home, I wasn't sure it would work.  So basically the fates decided for me.

This year, via the ol' Facebook, I learned of a different dirty race.  And since my mud buddies are already signed up for it, there was no way I was gonna miss out.  This one is the Survivor Mud Run and it is the weekend before the Seattle Rock 'n Roll 1/2 marathon.  Unfortunately, there is no fire to jump over at this race, but there appears to be a heckuva lot more mud.

Can I tell you how much I love that since mentioning this on Facebook I've had multiple friends grab me and say "I wanna do that mud race!  Can I come too??"   Seriously, I have the raddest friends.  And we're all gonna get down and dirty together.

Time Flies

Holy Crap!  It's 2011!  And I have a blog!  Where have I been?!!

Oh yah.  BUSY.

Anyway, the thought has been running through my mind more frequently that I should update this thing.  Not that anybody reads, but that's not really why I need to update it.  I want to record these moments in time so that I can look back and remember. 

So quick trip down recent memory lane...

Homeschooling:  Going WELL.  OMG, I am totally loving it (most days).  I alternately feel like I'm not doing enough for/with Sam and like I'm doing way better than the public school.  But reports from his teacher/counselor at school indicate that we're doing fine.  In his teacher's words he's BRIGHT, friendly, making friends, interacting and a real pleasure.  Active in the classroom but not naughty.  Such a different report and view than what we got from public school.  So.  I'm totally happy with that situation and looking forward to schooling Zoe next year too.  I love the little school we are part of and have made some great friends there.  I suspect we're never gonna want to leave it.

Running/Health:  I'm getting back into the swing of things, forcing myself to make time to run and get to the gym.  I'd like to do a 1/2 on Mothers' Day in preparation for the Seattle 1/2 in June.  I maintained my weight/size over the winter in spite of not exercising much or with any regularity and now I'm ready to ramp it back up.  I can tell I've lost muscle definition and I want it back.  I've had NO ITB pain.  We bought a 1/2 a beef this winter from J's uncle, so it was raised in a pasture and we know what it ate, and how it was treated and butchered.  It's damn good meat.  I've been really good with my diet (not "diet" as in losing weight, but as in the choices I'm making).  I'm eating a ton of vegetables and whole grain foods, although I'll admit an addiction to a particular brand of tortilla chips that I'm powerless to resist.  I maybe will have one drink every week or two, but otherwise am sticking to coffee and water.  LOTS of coffee.

Family:  Everyone's good.  We celebrated my dad's 70th birthday with a dinner out and a nice evening back at their house.  We're so blessed to still have him and he's doing great.  J hasn't been working much, which has been stressful, but at the moment he's got a little work.  I do alot of praying these days in regards to his employment.  I have moments of extreme terror knowing the possibilities that lurk just around the corner if work doesn't pick up.  Fortunately, he's branching his job search out instead of just focusing on electrical work.  And I do ALOT of praying.

Kids:  Zoe is Zoe.  She's silly, sweet, incredibly clever and funny, well-mannered, so loving and just a totally nice little girl.  She's my little shadow, preferring to spend her time with me to practically anything else.  She's lost the clinginess of her younger years, but now I think just loves to be with me.  There's not much I do that I don't have my helper with me, chores included.  She's loves school and is looking forward to kindergarten next year.  Sam is growing up, at 8.5 now.  In January I started taking him to a play therapist to see if it would help him sort out some of his frustrations and whatever else may be bugging him.  We have been INCREDIBLY pleased with this form of therapy, and it's been wildly successful for him.  The combination of homeschool and therapy have really been working wonders on him.  He's so much happier, content, affectionate and communicative.  There are still things we are working on (things I didn't even know were bugging him), but I totally believe he'll continue to improve and evolve into an incredible young man.  He's so intelligent and creative, curious and witty, and has such a sweet heart that I just watch him in awe and can't believe he's mine.  That boy is so special.

I still have too many books to read, too many projects I want to start/finish, too many races I want to run, and too many friends that I never get to spend time with.  It's still a crazy life.  And I still love it.

It'll Get Easier

I may have spoke too soon in my last post about crazy suiting me.

Holy schnikeys.

The crazy has gotten CRAZY. 

I'm not checking myself into a padded cell just yet, but I sure hope a month from now things have settled into some kind of routine.  Or even that I'll be used to this kind of crazy and it'll be the new normal. 

Because this is what my life looks like right now:

Mon/Wed/Fri - Zoe has preschool. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed and out the door by 9am.  And on at least a couple of those days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Tue/Fri - Sam has school. Which means we need to be up, dressed, fed, washed, lunch & backpacked packed and out the door by 8:30am.  And on one of the days, I have worked the night before and not gotten to sleep until around 12:30am.

Mon/Wed/Thurs - Sam is home and we do homeschool.  Which means he whines, complains, cries, stomps and ignores me for a portion of the morning while I beg, plead, threaten, cajole and ignore him, trying to get him to do his work.

Mon/Wed - Both kids have swimming lessons right around dinner time in town.  I work one of the days which means Daddy has to get home from work, and turn around head to town to get them there on time. The other day means that I get to do the shuffle.

One week I work Mon/Tue/Fri, the next week I work Wed/Thurs, which means I have to leave home by about 2:20pm to get to work.  And since Hubby is working full-time right now (YAY!!!) and doesn't get home until 4-4:30pm, I have to get the kids over to my parents' or sister's house before leaving for work.

I am on the Newsletter Committee at work and am supposed to write the cover story this month, as well as gather other information for various features.

I am on the Practice Committee for my position at work and have to attend meetings in addition to my regular shifts as well as send updates to co-workers and write updates for the above mentioned newsletter.

Oh, and I'm also training for another half marathon which is in less than a month, which means that I should *technically* be running at least 3-4 times a week.  You know, in all my spare time.

Of course, there's all the fun housewifely stuff too.  You know, the laundry, the cleaning, the shopping, the bill paying, the cooking.

Don't get me wrong, I invited all this crazy into my life.  But boy, I didn't think it'd be like this.  I just keep telling myself that the schooling will settle into a routine and that soon I'll win the Lottery, quit my job and hire a maid and private tutor for the kids and that we'll all get adjusted to our new way of life. 

It'll get easier.  That's what I keep telling myself.

Waiting to Run

The Seattle Rock 'n Roll Half was over four weeks ago.  The local half is in eight weeks.  I've only run three times since Seattle and every time my IT band hurt.  Not as badly as during the race, and actually a bit less each time, but it still hurt.  The furthest I've run since Seattle is three miles. 

Every day I think about running.  Every day I think I'll give it another try.  Every day I worry about my knee hurting if I do run.  Every day I worry about losing the fitness I've achieved.  Every day I yearn for the freedom I feel when I'm able to just run and run.

But.  I know I'll get there.  I'm not giving up on this running gig.  I'm doing other things to hopefully combat my injury and prevent it from happening again.  I'm working on getting stronger.  My head is still very much in the game; I'm just waiting for my body to catch up.

It's just that patience has never been my strong suit.

The Gift

Over the last few months, I have changed. Mentally, emotionally, physically. I wrote awhile ago about the criticism I've received over my appearance. It hurt. And it made me feel isolated and unable to share my pride and excitement over the results I've seen. I'm pretty much over it now.

And that last little smidge of hurt and self-conciousness that remained has been erased.  One afternoon, in just a few minutes spent with a best friend and her camera, any doubt or embarrassment I felt about myself VANISHED.

I still am far from perfect.  I have stretch marks and flab, wrinkles and gray hairs. 

But the woman you see in these pictures is a woman who is comfortable in her body.  Who knows what it is capable of and is eager to push it even further. Who appreciates what she's got and how she got there.  Who recognizes that the criticisms hurled at her are based in jealousy and insecurity.

Whether anyone else sees those things when they look at me, I don't know. I actually don't care.  All that matters is that I see them.  And what a gift it is that I finally do.

Acceptance

I read a great article written by Kristen Armstrong for Runner's World that made me say a big ol' outloud "AMEN!".  Here are the parts that really had me nodding my head in agreement:

"An interesting thought occurred to me about photographs.

Have you ever noticed the way people, particularly women, look back at old photographs of themselves and are wistful? "Oh, I looked so young then!" "Look at my skin!" (*sigh*) "Good grief, I was so skinny! And here I thought I was heavy at the time!" "Awww, look at us, just gorgeous. We had no clue."

No one ever really mentions that just as we had no clue at the time, there might exist the possibility that we have no clue right now. Captured moments of today are the wistfulness of tomorrow. I guarantee that just as we can look back at a photo from ten years ago and appreciate ourselves, ten years from now we will look at a photo from today and think the same damn thing. How come nobody brings this up? Wouldn't this awareness bring us a certain measure of peace?

Can you imagine the liberation if we could just appreciate ourselves right now? Who we are, where we are, what we look like? If we could just look in the mirror long enough for a basic once-over and a smile-wink and be done with it? If we were too content and confident to critique? "

"Savor yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Appreciate your beauty. Wink at yourself in the mirror. Tell your husband he has nice buns. Tell your wife she's hotter than she was yesterday. Tell your children how you see them. Tell your parents thank you. Remind your friends who they are.

After all, ten years from now, right now will be ten years ago. Moments are like fireflies. You are a runner, so go chase them. Cup them carefully in your hands and watch the glow seep through your fingers. Don't miss it."

I so wish that all women could embrace this idea, could appreciate and value themselves as they are.  Society & the media have dictated too damn long what is beautiful or good or perfect, or what size/shape we should be.  Why do we measure ourselves against some unachieveable standard, when that standard is most likely airbrushed and Photoshopped??  Why do we focus on one little perceived flaw and ignore the scads of wonderful things that we are? 

I had the pleasure of yet again running with my friend Paula this weekend and she said something that has stuck with me.  I was pointing out to her something I was a bit self-conscious about and she said to me "Nobody sees it but you, Kate."  After thinking about it I realized that she was right.  If I continue pointing out my "flaws" to people then that is indeed what they will see when they look at me. 

And I don't know about you but that's not something I really want.

Addiction

I cleaned off my nightstand the other day and realized I have a problem.  I have been stashing all these books on the bottom shelf as I get them, adding them to my growing "To Read" list.  It wasn't until I pulled them all out and dusted things off that I realized that I had TWENTY FOUR books stacked up! 

I've put myself on Book Restriction and I'm not allowed to browse the internet for Books I Want anymore. 

Or at least until I get thru some of these ones.

Life Lessons

I learned how to be independent and self-reliant from my mom.
Because she was too wrapped up in her pain and making life appear perfect to nurture or encourage me.

I learned how to shrug off the teasing and name-calling.
Because hurt feelings and tears garnered me no sympathy.

I learned how to stand up on my own two feet, make my way and fix my own problems.
Because I had no shoulder to cry on, no safe place to fall.

I learned to put on a happy face, even when my heart was breaking.
Because appearances are more important than truth.

I learned to make people laugh.
Because their laughter was a reward and validation of my existence.

I learned at a young age I wanted to be physically strong and capable and tough.
Because I was once little and helpless and was violated.

I learned how to be proud of myself.
Because I never heard "I'm proud of you."

Springing

I saw this little dandelion, standing all alone, at the bottom of a hill near my garden boxes.  And while I typically don't care for dandelions, this picture just makes me happy for some reason.  Maybe because it embodies spring.  I don't know.  I just like it.

Last year I planted a couple lilac bushes (they're my favorite flower, ya know) and they actually are blooming this year!

I'd forgotten what color they were and just love what a beautiful surprise they've turned out to be. And the smell...oh my. Intoxicating.

Schooling

It is 1:00pm on a Wednesday and I am *still* in my pajamas.  My house is a disaster, my children are *still* in their pajamas, there is laundry to do, I have a stack of books to read, we've not actually eaten a meal today - just snacked- and my legs need shaving.

This is what homeschooling has done to me. 

But truth be told, I think we're doing okay.  We're starting to see a bit of a routine emerge, we're figuring out what works and what doesn't, what we like and what we don't.  We love being able to go outside when the sun in shining and play a quick game of tetherball, or eating our lunch on the deck, or watching a tv program that relates to what we're studying.  I'm finding that everything throughout the day is a learning opportunity.  Going to the grocery store, picking out plants for our garden, planting seeds are all teachable moments.  I find that I'm very aware that I'm the teacher now and that I can use any situation or experience to impart some kind of knowledge. 

We've relocated my computer and desk upstairs to the bonus room so that we have more space.  Some of what we do requires the computer and my little office space just wasn't big enough to include a work area for Sam.  Now we have lots of room, with bright daylight and we can leave our mess spread out over various tables.  (This is SO much better than cluttering up my dining room table and island.) 

It's a new way of life - a new never-child-free way of life - but we're adjusting to it. It's not just me and my previous routine that have had to adjust; Sam is getting used to me being the teacher AND the momma.  We butt heads occasionally but I have the advantage of inflicting more meaningful punishment than his teacher at school (i.e. taking away video game or TV privileges), but I also love him unconditionally and I hope that that shines through.

Don't Be Hatin'

I have bit my proverbial tongue and not written about this subject but it's really getting ridiculous and it's MY blog and I can write about what I want and if you don't like it, then don't read.  So there.

Since I have embarked on this whole fitness/running adventure, I've lost weight.  Only about 7 lbs, which isn't a huge amount, but I was not heavy to begin with.  More noticeably, I've lost inches.  Several off of my waist, hips, thighs and chest, which apparently appears to make me look like I have lost much more weight than I actually have.

In combination with the exercising, I have been really conscious of what I've been eating.  I'm avoiding all processed foods, eating way more fiber, fruits, veggies and whole grain stuff, and have all but quit drinking. 

On most days, I track what I eat just to make sure I'm getting the balance of nutrients, especially protein.  I am aware that I'm thin and that I don't have alot of "wiggle" room when it comes to weight loss.  I eat even when I'm not hungry because I know I haven't had enough calories.  (Here's a little tidbit:  natural, healthy food doesn't contain as many calories so therefore you can eat more of it.)  I wouldn't say that I obsess about it, but I do try to stay mindful of what I'm eating and try to make good choices.  And I'm not starving myself.

All of my efforts at BEING HEALTHY and the subsequent results are getting noticed.  And not in the way I'd hoped.  I can't tell you the amount of negative attention I'm getting for how my body is changing.  My family is the worst. Apparently because we're related that gives them permission to make snarky, mean comments about how I look.  My favorite being "You're too skinny - you're not even cute skinny".  Oh, and yesterday a co-worker jokingly compared me to a concentration camp victim.  (That felt great, btw.)

Seriously folks.  BACK OFF.  I refuse to take flack for obtaining a body like this through hard work, sweat, a few tears and healthy choices.  Yes, I was born with good genetics but how I look now is a result of my effort.  I am NOT concerned with being skinny or model thin - my reasons for this fitness quest have absolutely zero to do with vanity.  Yes, looking good and more importantly FEELING GOOD are nice biproducts but not my main objective. 

I want to be strong.  I want to look fit.  I want to take care of my health and do all I can to fight the crappy genetics I inherited.  I want to live a long healthy life and stick around to play with my grandchildren.

If you can't deal with the way I look, if you are threatened by it and feel like me being thin gives you the right to cut me down, if you are jealous, if you are so insecure that you can't be supportive and encouraging to a fellow human being, well then maybe you should just walk away. Oh, I may smile and laugh when you say things, but just know that it hurts and I just don't let you know because I'm nice that like.  Making snarky comments about someone being THIN is just as rude and hurtful as making snarky comments about being FAT, yet very few people would be that inconsiderate.
 

Every body is different and responds differently to a healthy diet and exercise.  This is how my body responds.  It doesn't make me a better person than you.

As Thumper's mommy told him, "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothin' at all."

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p.s  This post is NOT aimed at anybody in particular.  It's basically just a big vent because I'm fed up.

True Story Tuesday - Bread

So, have ya'll heard of that cookbook Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day?  They aren't kidding when they call it "The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking".

True story.

I got the cookbook sometime before Christmas when I was ordering some things from Amazon.com and I needed to order a certain amount in order to qualify for the free shipping. So I ordered the book for myself and called it an early Christmas present.

True story.

I didn't get around to really trying any of the recipes until sometime in February. The first one I tried was a light wheat bread.  And upon first bite, the angels sang and the heavens parted.

True story.

I love to bake bread and have tried dozens of recipes, searching for a certain texture and consistency that would replicate my grandma's homemade white bread.  I loved that bread and gobbled it up whenever we'd visit. This bread is the closest I've come to replicating Grandma's.

True story.

Another thing I'm loving about this book of recipes is how versatile they are.  I have made bagels and pizza dough out of whatever dough I have going and they ROCKED.  Seriously.  It truly IS the best bread I've ever made.

True story.

If I'm going to keep trying these recipes and gobbling up the delicious results like a half-starved maniac, I'm gonna need to keep running.  Like, A LOT.

True story.

Unrecognizable

Seriously, who slipped my life a hit of acid?  Because it has just gone wacky.  Every single item of whack could fill up its own blog post, and maybe eventually it will, but in summary here's what's been going on:

About 12 days ago, after about 18 hours of vomiting, diarrhea, fever and excruciating lower back pain, I made my husband take me to the Emergency Room.  You have to know this about me:  I WORK at the hospital and really make it a point to NOT go there unless I'm being paid to do so.  In this case, however, I was willing and even eager to give them whatever they wanted if only they would GIVE ME DRUGS.  Which, thankfully, they did and I was able to (mostly) stop tossing up everything I'd eaten in the previous month days and writhing in pain.  It's only been in the last 3-4 days that I've felt back to normal - I was *that* wrecked.

So needless to say, I've not been running or even setting foot near the gym.  That will be remedied this week.  My hiatus is over and I'm back on the wagon, so to speak.  Enough of living on buttery toast and whatever sounds least likely to cause pain (i.e. ice cream) and back to fruit smoothies and salad.  (Don't worry - I eat more than that.)

My fascination with all things food is reaching fever pitch.  After watching Food, Inc. a while back I've been hungry to learn more about what's really going on with America's food.  I'm currently reading Michael Pollan's book The Omnivore's Dilemma and boy howdy...is THAT an eye opener.  I dare you to read it and NOT have it change how you shop and eat.  I'm barely a quarter of the way through it and keep finding myself shaking my head in disgust and disbelief.  America, suffice it to say that the government is force feeding us CRAP.  You want to know why we're overweight and dying younger and younger?!  READ THE BOOK.  I am alternately outraged and acutely impassioned about this topic and if you get within earshot of me, you will likely hear me spew forth facts from the movie and/or book and my opinions and thoughts on the enormous injustice that is our food system.  (Truly, I am composing an entire essay in my head on this topic I am so on fire about it.  Right now, I am still in the outlining phase, but an essay will be forthcoming, mark my words.) 

And lastly, I have metaphorically donned my denim jumper and comfortable shoes, braided my hair, quit wearing makeup and have embraced HOMESCHOOLING.  If you know me IRL, you know this idea has been swirling around in my head for a couple years now.  Not because it was something I always wanted to do, but because after seeing Sam through kindergarten I suspected that maybe Sam + classroom would not entirely = success.  Long story short, my suspicions were indeed realized and then there was the lovely added benefit of a couple of little assholes in his classroom (and by assholes I mean children whose parents either were a) high on crack/drunk most of the time, b) wishing they'd used a condom, c) not interested in being a parent, or D) all of the above.)  Trust me, I do not fault the children - the blame lies solely with the sorry excuse for parents that procreated those kids.  But I am not obligated to subject MY child to those children and their foul mouths/crude & inappropriate behavior/delinquent tendencies just because we have the misfortune to reside in the same school district.  So, as of a week ago, Sam no longer goes to that school.  Or any school, for that matter.  (If you couldn't tell, this subject also fires me up a little.)  For the remainder of this year, we are homeschooling.  Next year, we are working on getting a plan in place that I think will make everyone happy and be the best for Sam, which is the whole point.

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These days I barely recognize my life.  I mean, who am I?  I'm running, I'm homeschooling, I'm gettin' all earthy.  I feel like I'm a walking jumble of adjectives:  outraged, inspired, determined, searching, motivated, humbled, relieved, focused.  Evolving.  On the verge.  I feel like the things I'm going through right now are changing me - are changing who I am, how I think, how I act.   I can feel it physically, like growing pains. 

But I guess that's what's happening:  I'm growing a new life.

Excellence

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."  ~Aristotle

As you can see from my side bar, I collect quotes.  A Facebook friend posted this gem a while back and I immediately wrote it down.  I liked it alot. 

This thought is reassuring to me in a way.  Like, people aren't born with excellence - they achieve it.  It's not a gift that a lucky few have been bestowed with.  Anyone is capable of excellence.  Even me.

So the lesson is that whatever it is that you desire to be excellent at - whether it be running, singing, baking bread, or underwater basketweaving - with perserverance, dedication, and a good measure of grit (for nothing worth having comes easily), you too can be EXCELLENT.

And who doesn't want that??